Kim Kardashian Gets Peed on for the Cameras, AgainS

This time she won't earn money for it, though. Charlie Sheen's wife's 911 call is out, and terrifying. Spencer Pratt is jealous of Jersey Shore. Paparazzi get pissed at Angelina. Come and get your Tuesday gossip!

  • Kim Kardashian was visiting Ashton Kutcher's production offices where a magician named Dynamo showed her a magic trick, making a tiy little monkey materialize out of nowhere to climb into her arms. [fig.1] "I thought he was really cute at first, but then he peed on me!! Ashton said the monkey had pooped on him, so I didn't feel too bad, haha. Gross little monkey!" she wrote in her blog. [KK]

  • The audio of Brooke Meuller's tearful 911 call reporting husband Charlie Sheen for attacking her with a knife, and it's awful. Brooke's voice warbles as she tells the operator, "My husband had me [inaudible] with, um, with a knife, and I was scared for my life. He threatened me." When the operator asks for her husbands name, Brooke's voice breaks and she says, "It's Charlie Sheen," then lets out a sob. I don't particularly recommend listening to this, because the vocal utterances of a woman afraid for her life is not the greatest way to start your day, but the NYP link has it. TMZ, meanwhile, has the police report showing Charlie denying everything, then standing by as a cop finds a 4-inch knife, locked in the open position, in his belongings. [P6] [TMZ]

  • A throng of paparazzi were "livid" when they realized that they spent the whole morning standing in the freezing cold, photographing Angelina Jolie's Salt body double, while the real Angelina was inside keeping warm. "Not one person could tell that the double wasn't Angelina," but they got their shot eventually [fig.2] so everybody wins, including the body double, who should now market herself as the Megan Fox of the wintry north. [Gatecrasher] [DailyMail]

  • Spencer Pratt is pissed that Jersey Shore is taking over his "15 minutes of hopeless humiliation and/or schadenfreude" niche. He's right: until now, I did not realize that I hadn't thought of Spencer Pratt in weeks. Let's keep it that way. [NBN]

  • Michael Lohan ex Erin Muller (no relation to Brooke Meuller) claims Michael punched her in the mouth for having a male friend on Facebook, slapped her in the face for giving him a fake watch, "kicked [her] in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain," and once "yelled at her to 'Stop crying, cunt. Other people will see you. If they see you, I will kill you." Good god. This must be why Dina had the restraining order? Even before these allegations, he was a blight on humanity. Does the English language even have words for whatever comes next? [TMZ]

  • Heather Locklear's sick days cost Melrose Place $600,000 in rescheduled scenes "at expensive locations" and all that soft lighting they so painstakingly prepared for her. [NatlEnq]

  • The Mirror thinks Tiger and mistress #1 Rachel Uchitel are back together: "The golf ace was spotted holding hands with [her] at a private party." Where are these private parties that not a single paparazzo who has been standing sentry at every entrance and exit of Tiger's every residence didn't catch them coming or going from this? [Mirror]

  • "Amy Winehouse is suffering from nervous exhaustion." Sky is blue, crack cocaine is addicting. Next! [Mirror]

  • Jon Gosselin's break-in was either an inside job by ex-girlfriend and aspiring fameball Hailey Glassman, or an inside-inside frame job by thriving fameball Jon Gosselin himself. NYPD commissioner Raymond Kelly says they're looking at both angles. Meanwhile, if Jon's neighbors at his new West Side apartment didn't already hate him and the deflated melodrama he brings everywhere he goes, they do now. [NYDN]

  • Speaking of break-ins, Nelly is offering a $10K reward for anyone who can help him catch whoever broke into his home. In Law & Order, this is the moment when they sigh and roll their eyes and Mariska Hargitay sexily answers a ringing phone and a rapist whispers something scary into her ear. [NYDN]

  • Sherlock Holmes performed solidly at the box office, so now a sequel is being hatched, with Brad Pitt as Professor Moriarty, making the Sherlock Holmes franchise officially the handsomest in Hollywood. [NBN]

  • Kanye West cares about the people. With perennially catsuit-clad girlfriend Amber Rose, West spent Boxing Day at the Los Angeles Mission serving lunch to the homeless. I hope they wore diamonds and shutter shades, because if I were a homeless person, my lunch would be that much better if Kanye and Amber were in the full regalia. [Gatecrasher]

  • Figure 1.
    Kim Kardashian Gets Peed on for the Cameras, AgainS

    Figure 2.
    Kim Kardashian Gets Peed on for the Cameras, AgainS