Researchers have discovered that teenagers have very acute perceptions of risk. Other researchers have discovered that retail employees are incredibly successful thieves. These researchers should talk to each other!

1. Health researchers did a big survey of teenagers and their "perception of risk." Most said smoking a pack or two of cigarettes a day was pretty risky, but far fewer thought getting drunk once a week or smoking weed once a month was very risky. Which is absolutely accurate, contrary to the general tone of this lame-o news story! Teenagers know exactly what they can get away with.

2. Who's stealing all the shit that gets stolen from big retail stores? The crooked-ass teen and post-teen employees: "larcenous employees averaged $1,890 in theft, compared with $438 for shoplifters."

3. Kids these days! Q.E.D.

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