The Third Inauguration of King Bloomberg: Political Management, Inc.

The Wizard of NYoz emerged today to celebrate violating previous thresholds of American Plutocracy further than they've ever been sullied before. What'd he have to say? That he'd be modeling our city after—what else?—Bloomberg, Inc.

Remember when Pareene noted that Bloomberg enjoys being "the beneficiary of the most friendly news coverage of any big city mayor in the nation," right? Well if you don't, here's a reminder of how it works. Watch the New York Times lube his ass good and proper:

The mayor, who is hardly regarded as having an introspective personality, was clearly trying to address concerns about a stagnant administration more than eight years after first taking office as a billionaire businessman and novice politician. And Mr. Bloomberg, in uncharacteristic fashion, struck a more humble chord, saying that having been granted another four years was a "special opportunity."

Humble, indeed, especially coming from a man who gave himself a third term by belittling his political opposition through the sheer power of money—$102M—put places, and not even by a wide margin. The Times reports that his speech last under 14 minutes, the shortest of the three, and also, there was this, uh, "zinger," if you will:

He offered only one concrete new idea, saying he wanted to keep his deputy commissioners on their toes by moving them around different agencies for three weeks, and then asking them to report directly to him "to break down the bureaucratic barriers that all too often impede innovation, compromise customer service and cost taxpayers money."

Get it? Basically, he's going to put incompetent people who are already mostly terrible at their jobs in other jobs they can be even more terrible at. Then, everyone under him can indeed learn how to "break down the bureaucratic barriers," like the ones keeping his cronies from sliming all over all of us indefinitely, and holding respective deathgrips on power across the board so he can sponge each individual as need be. Not even joking:

"And Deputy Commissioners out there: this is not a game of musical chairs, This is a management challenge, and a unique opportunity for collaboration and innovation." He added, "And as I tell everyone I hire: don't screw it up."

Again, innovation, especially in the field of usurping power to do nothing but hold it and build profit. Reminder, folks: Bloomberg hasn't fucked up our city too terribly, but he hasn't done anything for it, either. Don't expect this to change unless you work for him, in which case, take you bonus in stock options and settle in: it's going to be a long, boring ride. It's maybe worth mentioning that Jon C. Liu, the first Asian-American to win a citywide office, and Bill de Blasio, a new public advocate, were on that stage with him, if only because the appearance of something/someone to get in Bloomberg's way, regardless of effect, is really all we have left right now. Here's hoping it's actually—against tradition—something more than that.

[Photo via Getty Images]