The internet causes all kinds of ruckus for rock stars. It can make people who aren't dead die! Or as is Diddy's case, married. Or, as is Van Morrison's case, born.

Sometime after we rang in the New Year, Diddy celebrated by—what else?—Twittering.

Diddy's Secret Marriage and Van Morrison's Unborn Baby: The Real Rumors of Rock Stars

Diddy got married! Some of his 2,377,939 followers wanted to know things! To who? When? Where? But then, sadness. Diddy denies this ever took place.

Diddy's Secret Marriage and Van Morrison's Unborn Baby: The Real Rumors of Rock Stars

In fact, he doesn't even know how the hell this rumor got started.

Diddy's Secret Marriage and Van Morrison's Unborn Baby: The Real Rumors of Rock Stars

Oh, wait. He does. He was just kidding, you guys!

Diddy's Secret Marriage and Van Morrison's Unborn Baby: The Real Rumors of Rock Stars

Maybe we should just blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-alcohol, just not The Goose. Seriously: Diddy was working heavy New Year's Eve promotion for his vokda, Ciroc, and what better proof of how well it works than getting shitfaced and Twittering to two million people a boldfaced lie. Unless it wasn't a lie.

Why would Diddy want to protect the fact that he's married, though?Well, if I accidentally Twittered the kind of news I wanted people to know through other venues than Twitter, I'd deny doing it, too, just to keep the lie at bay. And Diddy probably knows that erasing the Tweet—which he didn't do—would make it way worse a situation than it already was. Or he really was just being "ironic," in which case, it looks like the influence of Carles has spread wide, "ironic" bros. But Diddy's not the only one who has to deal with lies about them on the internet.

Question: What did Van Morrison—who never talks to the press about his personal life—do to piss off hackers who hacked his website? "Never," that is, until his hand....

Reclusive Irish singer Van Morrison said Thursday that a computer hacker planted a false report on his Web site claiming he had fathered a fourth child at the age of 64 with a new partner. The false report was disseminated Monday by a Los Angeles-based publicist for Morrison, Phil Lobel.

And the hand of his publicist....

Finally, a reporter visited the West Hollywood offices of his PR company, Lobeline Communications. A man who looks similar to Lobel answered the door and identified himself as a guest visiting from out of town. The man said he would check to see if Lobel was available, then reported that the publicist was on a plane. Minutes later, a person claiming to be an associate of Lobel's sent an e-mail message from the publicist's account to the reporter, saying that Lobel ''called us from his plane'' to issue a statement acknowledging that his office had ''passed along information from the official Web site of Van Morrison, which we are now told had been hacked.''

is forced, by phone calls from friends, family, and the report being picked up "by several news agencies, including The Associated Press, as well as celebrity sites and British newspapers."

Maybe some Van Fans were pissed by the utter unavailability of the "Moondance" studio cut on YouTube, instead making YouTube viewers suffer through awful cover after awful cover. Or maybe they just want everyone to, as Jackie Wilson said, "let it all hang out." Even the lies! Or maybe they were just bored and picked someone who traditionally doesn't interact with the media, so they knew they'd be able to spread a great, troublemaking lie, like troublemakers often do.

On that note, I eagerly await JD Salinger and Thomas Pynchon's first Tweets. Hackers, if you're gonna spread a lie, at least make it a good one.