Tila Tequila Declares 'War' on Roving Pack of Vigilante Heiresses

After Nicky Hilton and Bijou Phillips rescued Casey Johnson's dogs and fur coats from a braless, press-friendly Tila Tequila, the webcam star wept, accused them of killing puppies, and tweeted vows of revenge. Mulholland Drive on Meth keeps getting messier.

After a Tuesday memorial service at Nicky's home—which sister Paris said was a comfort—Nicky apparently tried to rescue Casey's dogs Elvis and Zoe, but Tila refused to give up the mutts. (Recall that Casey dropped her pets off at Tila's place before going AWOL on December 29.) Late Wednesday Nicky returned with Bijou Phillips and successfully extracted the dogs and a rack of fur coats. The below paparazzi video shows Nicky and Bijou ignoring the press while Tila weeps, "They are putting them to sleep to bury with Casey." A press-friendly cop oversees the affair and gives some choice quotes at the end.

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Among the many reasons that this mess is the Trainwreck of our Times is that the players don't just manipulate the press, but rely on and interact with it in real-time, using livestreaming gossip sites the same facility that they use Twitter. (Which, in turn, becomes a source for the next day's tabloid coverage, which treats copy-and-pasted tweets like interviews.) For instance, Casey Johnson vibrator victim Jasmine Lennard cheers Nicky and Bijou's dog rescue from afar while she watches the action on TMZ:

Tila Tequila Declares 'War' on Roving Pack of Vigilante Heiresses

Tila Tequila Declares 'War' on Roving Pack of Vigilante Heiresses

Tila Tequila Declares 'War' on Roving Pack of Vigilante Heiresses

Tila—who regularly posts paparazzi pictures on her blog, including high-resolution upskirts she claims to hate—links to E!'s coverage with the following note in her blog:

[T]oday these "mean Girls" bombarded MY HOME, to try to take the pups away so they can put them to sleep so they can bury the dogs with Casey. So sad! I had to call the police because they were getting very violent outside of my house and threatening to break in! They kept kicking my door, pounding on it, and even left scratch marks on my windows and texted that they were going to try to break in from the back side!! I was alone, scared and they left me no choice:

CLICK HERE TO WATCH IT ALL GO DOWN!

Her brain is a cognitive manifestation of a rumor mill, where repetition leads to certainty, regardless of intervening contradictions. Even Tila admitted once in a tweet that she let them have the dogs simply because she was sick of the "drama." But as she spends the day moaning, tweeting, and retweeting about Nicky and Bijou's grisly animal sacrifice, her outrage increases exponentially until the crime becomes fact in her head—and in the heads of the #TilaArmy, which is sort of a hypersexual fetish version of the Ron Paul Revolution. Anyway, Tila ends the day by declaring a media war against those who blame her for Casey's death, which is pretty much all of Casey's loved ones at this point, which means: the battle royale has begun.

Tila Tequila Declares 'War' on Roving Pack of Vigilante Heiresses

Tila Tequila Declares 'War' on Roving Pack of Vigilante Heiresses

Tila Tequila Declares 'War' on Roving Pack of Vigilante Heiresses

In happier abandoned purse dog news, Operation: Chihuahua Airlift continued today with the arrival of 15 abandoned chihuahuas to the purse dog promised land of New York, where the apartments are small and the dogwalkers multitudinous.