Women Cause Fights: Like a pride of lions, the male guido is powerful and vicious and fights among each other, but they only fight over women. Also, like lionesses with poofier manes, the females are the real hunters, and not only do they like to instigate fights between the men, but they are more than willing to scrap with each other.
That is just what happens here during the epic battle between Ronnie and a stupid asshole who won't leave him alone at the Beachcomber. After annoying the entire crew all night, this drunk jerk follows Ronnie and Sammi Quiznos as they walk home from the bar. The jerk is clearly taunting Ronnie, but it is Sammi who makes the situation worse, taunting him back and even picking on his girlfriend's rather tacky sundress and fake Louis Vuitton bag. We have well established that SQ is a Helen of Troy type and likes to have men fight over her, and she also knows that no "grown-ass" man will punch her, so she is not afraid of spouting her mouth off.
Eventually, Ronnie has to resort to mild violence to get her to shut up, and shoves her. One should never hit a girl, but Sammi had to know this wasn't going to end well. She scampers off all steamed. After that, frustrated with this jerk and his girl, Ronnie is ready to scrap.
It is very important who makes the first move because the guido believes that whoever throws the first punch is the one who will be arrested and dragged to jail. That is why the both insist they other "come at" him. This is the throwing down of the gauntlet a situation needs to proceed to a full-on fight.
In this case, it is the jerk's woman who comes at Ronnie. This See You Next Tuesday Weld knows that a grown-ass man would never hit her, because then he will be destined to roam the earth alone for all of eternity. Knowing this she gets in Ronnie's face, acting as a shield to keep Ronnie away from her man so he can move in for the kill. Ronnie tries to avoid her, to get a clear shot, but she is nimble and cruel, like a Portuguese Man of War in a shitty printed dress. Once she stings Ronnie with her tentacles of doom, he has been assaulted so whatever he does after that will not cause arrest. But he still can not hit the girl. What to do?
Of course he lunges for her man, landing a solid shot to the head, a knee to the face, and several very hard punches to the head. In short, Ronnie fucked this guy up. Seriously, he had it coming.
See You Next Tuesday Weld tries to pry him off her man, but she only uses one hand, because her bag is too precious to her to put down on the scummy boardwalk, and because, if this man can not defend her honor, then he deserves to be rendered limb from limb. Since Ronnie is alone without a female, there is no one there to challenge her. She's lucky ShamWOWW was in a Vicodin coma, because she would have clawed that woman's eyes out, ground them up, and sprinkled them on her next serving of ham. Still, SYNTW uses the only weapon left to her defense, the atomic wedgie. This does not work because, while uncomfortable, the guido can not be distracted from attacking his victim when he is fully "heated."
Eventually the only thing that can end this fight is the crew's bodyguard (Ronnie told us in last night's live blog that the body guards were always with them, usually ending more fights than they helped prevent) can put an end to the madness, while Ronnie stalks off to blow off his steam.
