The Week We Forgot To Mention Our Girlfriend

What a week! They feel so different, these 2010s! So fresh, and new! Also, as usual, there was death and terror and crime and greed.

We caught you up on the gossip that you missed. We wondered just what everyone found so interesting about this picture of Barack Obama and Joe Biden. It seemed less interesting than Punky Brewster's secret life, that is for sure!

Who will catch the Facebook Fugitive? Could it be you? Or maybe you will not catch him so much as get his Facebook account deleted. Maybe you should devote your attention to trying to bring the anti-gay evangelicals to justice. Because they should all be in jail.

Some guy went to a party at the White House, but he wasn't invited! Beyonce performed for Colonel Gaddafi's son, but not that son.

Did you know that we have always been right about Sarah Palin? It is true! (We are more right about her than Commentary was!) We have also always been right about Jersey Shore. Everyone else is pretty sure Barack Obama is just like Herbert Hoover.

Apparently, Alec Baldwin calls up pretty ladies he sees on the TV to ask them to go on dates with him. No one calls up Gerard Butler, because he is fat, now. Oh, and Scarlett Johansson was totally ok on Broadway!

This is what happens when rich people decide to get married, I guess. And this is what happens when they party!

Look at that, we're saving Conde Nast!

We are also psyched for California's Prop 8 trial YouTube clips!

Why won't anyone write any of these magazine stories already? Just because there are no more magazines? Maybe some journalists could ask someone to help them write it with the Twitter machine. But make sure Kathy Griffin doesn't help! She is too saucy for the news! Not too saucy for the news: Dick Cheney. Just ask Chris Matthews, who loves to talk about him!

In the future, love will arrive on hovercrafts. Until that day, we will have to settle for conveyor belts.

Julia Allison's terrible ex-boyfriend wants to be our Senator! Don't you feel lucky? And do you remember when all the Obama coverage was about all those hotties in his administration?

What is up with the people who flirt with you even though they are not available? Doree investigated! And people had thoughts on the matter! Oh, and why doesn't anyone take the Eat, Pray, Love lady seriously?

Leno: Still the worst. (Also, breaking: it is not 2008 anymore!)

This is what your publisher will say if it turns out that you didn't actually meet your wife in a concentration camp.

Did Reuters kill a story because a billionaire complained? Maybe!

The Real Housewives of Orange County and those Jersey Shore kids are all still at it.

Terrible Twitterers decry Twitter article! And we blogged the rebloggers. Oh, and there was spy stuff with Irving R. Levine!

Casey Johnson died. We examined her sad relationship with terrible humanoid Tila Tequila.