New 'Lifelike' Sex Doll Is Still Weird, Not Lifelike

Roxxy is 5"7, 120lbs and wears a C-cup bra. She can hear, speak, listen and sleep and react to the touch of her owner. As if that didn't make her 'lifelike' enough, she also has five personality settings.

Those personality settings are precisely what a nerd who has never had sex might want out of a sex doll; they're called Wild Wendy, Frigid Farrah, Mature Martha, S&M Susan and an unnamed personality that is, according to the Daily Telegraph, "naive" and "young". The doll can even converse with its owner. About sports! DUDE! SCORE! Perfect woman! All us guys want is a schizophrenic fancy condom who can discuss football! That's what we like! Yeah! (Apparently.)

It was designed by the guy in the picture above, and the video below — a former Bell Labs engineer called Douglas Hines. His appearance and bearing speaks for itself. But I'm sure he used to come into the video store I worked in as a teenager and sidle nervously towards the adult section. He has also clearly never met a human being. Because his doll is nothing like one. You might as well lower the lights, light some candles, turn up the Barry White and seduce a water wing. You'd save yourself $7000.