Celebrity Boxing Will Save Celebrities, and BoxingS

Jon Gosselin needs a job. Boxing needs a savior. Michael Lohan (pictured!) needs someone to fight. Do we smell the sweet aroma of cultural convergence?

Once you've fallen way the hell down the celebrity Z-list to the point that there's really no place for you in the traditional "entertainment" venues per se, and you're not attractive enough to make an appealing sex tape, but you can't imagine getting a real job, that other way of selling your body—boxing—starts to make sense. Michael Lohan is doing it! And the same wacky dudes promoting the "Hollywood Bad Boy Michale Lohan Vs. Future Star Actor Delco's Bobby Dolan" fight this Saturday at the Airport Ramada in Essington, PA, are also issuing poorly proofread press releases challenging Jon Gosselin to show up and fight—"Lohan is being Backed for this Challenge by Frank Perry the owner of Frankies Steaks and there will be a contract awaiting Gosselin if he shows."

Put aside your knee-jerk revulsion and think about it! What else is Jon Gosselin going to do? Getting punched in the face may be his last chance at public appeal. And boxing itself could use the attention. There is precisely one real boxing match that large numbers of people would pay to see—Manny Pacquiao vs. Floyd Mayweather—and, despite hundreds of millions of dollars on the table, the two sides couldn't make it happen because of a dispute over how many days before the fight blood could be drawn for drug testing.

How about, for that money, take all the blood you want? Hmm?

Boxing is fucked up. Celebrities are fucked up. Let's put them together for our amusement. Jon Gosselin, if you need a ride down to the Airport Ramada, just email us.