The Way We Live Now: Just wandering on up to the front counter of Equinox gym thinking everything is fine. Well it's not fine. It's far from fine. Your money's gone. Your jobs are gone. Your abs are gone.
You thought you were pretty clever, did you not? You thought you could buy a cut-rate membership to Equinox for a third of the normal price from some dude on Craigslist and save yourself hundreds of dollars a year and be able to go to the fancy gym with the fancy people even though you, yourself, were a poor? There's a little something we'd like to introduce you to, called karma.
Goodbye, your money. Goodbye, fake bootleg Equinox scam membership. This beautiful fancy world, you see, is not yours. Sure, maybe if you were in some fancy library union that gave you paid leave time when the thermostat went under 68 degrees, you could make some claim to being eligible for a gym like that. But you, of course, are not in a fancy library union; you are an average Jane or Joe with a job that's gone, and brother or sister, that job is not coming back, we're sorry to inform you.
And so, my friend, just as it would hardly be useful for you to attend the North American International Auto Show to peruse the new models of Rolls Royces and Ferraris, it was the height of hubris for you to imagine that Universal Law would stand idly by as you sleazed and scammed your way into a discounted membership at Equinox Gym. Do you know who goes to Equinox Gym? Nick Denton. Are you Nick Denton? No? That is why you lost hundreds of dollars. To teach you a lesson. To keep you in your place.