Poker Strategies for Team Conan O'BrienS

The Late Night buzz is still going strong, but Conan has yet to be very specific about his future plans. People love him, but his many forays into executive producing have been abysmal failures. Conan's got some gambling to do.

The gloves have come off. The late night war between Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno has hit a major crescendo this past week. It seems that while 87 percent of the viewing audience wants Conan to stay, the NBC executives are still holding strong to their idiotic plan for a new after-hours lineup.

So Conan is hitting the road? Seems that way, but we're all wondering what Ricky Gervais was wondering last night, "What are you going to do?" Conan has yet to give us an answer that sounds genuine. Maybe that's because he doesn't know yet? I've selected the three best strategies Team Conan can ascribe to in order to win this metaphorical game of TV poker.


Strategy 1: The Shandling Straight
Jay Leno and David Letterman are not the only Carson regulars you can learn from. Garry Shandling was a regular guest host on the Tonight Show as well, and when Dave and The Chin were battling it out over network prowess, Gary was winning the hearts of critics on one of those new-fangled cable stations, (HBO) with young upstarts like Judd Apatow producing the before-it's-time Larry Sanders Show. HBO meta-success stories are now a dime a dozen, just ask Larry David. This is the best strategy if you want the kind of freedom necessary to re-utilize self flagellating furries among other mature thematics.


Strategy 2: The Fox Flush
The network that gave you the chance to work on The Simpsons might take you back. It could be a win if they leave you alone, but they could Murdoch you, forcing you to go on Fox News and chat it up with Sarah Palin and Brent Hume on a regular basis. I'd say your best bet, if your going to use this hand, is to suggest a spin-off of The Simpsons, get all the writers you used to work with on-board, and have a primetime cartoon show about the former host of The Tonight Show trying to get back on his feet. Yellow was always a good color on you, Conan.


Strategy 3: Richter's Wild
This is an emergency strategy that is only to be used if all the stakes are against you and you can't trust yourself. Basically, just ask Andy Richter what he wants to do if you were to once again star him as the lead in a television comedy. Have him help you write the script, then go all NBC on his ass, and change the script so that all the lines that Richter wrote for himself are now spoken by you. Don't worry Conan, he'll understand.