Meet Paula: Somehow while trolling the finer nightlife establishments of Seaside Heights, The Situation managed to find the trashiest girl in the whole land. Her name is Paula.

But before we get to Princess Paula of Pooptown, let us take a minute to discuss The Situation's tactics when it comes to bedding women. He will stop at nothing to bring home a girl every night. This has nothing to do with his sex drive (which may be boosted thanks to the "supplements" that keep his arms big and his body little) but a performance for the other men in the house. He is constantly trying to assert his superiority as the alpha male and he does this by showing his sexual potency. This is why it is important for him to score every night, even if the women is unattractive. It also explains why he needs to flirt with and attempt to steal the women that the other men in the house are interested in. His behavior should not be confused with a natural drive to be a leader, but by very deep seated existential pain and horrifically low self-esteem.

This, of course, leads us to Paula, who not only doesn't wear her thong in the hot tub, she has sex with Mike in the Jacuzzi right in front of Vinnie and his Old Lady. When the pair finally leave to go inside the house, she is so drunk that she slips on the top step. Oopsie.

The next morning the crew is awoken by the pounding of the Tanning Salon Chick, who is there to tell Paula that her car is missing, she has missed the first day of her new job (and is probably fired), her mother thinks she's dead in a ditch, and that she is altogether a horrible human being. See, Paula has a new job (probably after not having one for a long time after the birth of her second child) and was not supposed to be out drinking. She broke her word, and when she realized she slept through work, she just went back to bed.

Now Tanning Salon Chick is trying to help her find her clothes and fix the situation she got into (when really she is in this situation because The Situation wanted to get into her). While this is happening, Mike runs for cover in the bathroom, which is the only place in the house where a guido feels safe from confrontation. She leaves in a strangers sweats and T-shirt and leaves her clothes behind. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, meet Paula—the only woman fit to replace Trash Bags for season two.