The Week We Took Sides in a Fight Between Millionaires

This week began with delightful showbiz scandal and quickly turned to unimaginable devastation. For the most part, though, we just talked about the usual shit. (Plus Ke$ha.)

Tens of thousands of people died in Haiti. All because they made a deal with the devil, according to a scumbag. We questioned the helpfulness of Tweeting about it. (And the helpfulness of Wyclef's charity.)

Tila Tequila is still Tweeting. Newspapers still hate bloggers, and vice versa, but we are fixing that. People are still doing the no pants on the subway thing. People are still talking about that Game Change book, and all of the scandalous things in it. But we wondered about one scandalous thing not in it: the name of Bill Clinton's girlfriend. We still don't trust Facebook.

For some reason, they cut the Na'vi sex scene out of Avatar. Freelancers didn't miss it, though: they spend all day watching porn as it is. Also missing from Avatar: an explanation of DC sex god Peter Orszag's hair.

Neil Patrick Harris is doing straight drag on the TV. Sarah Palin is not very good at TV. (Bill O'Reilly wasn't helping. No one wants to be a gay housewife on the TV.

Do you watch an Adult Cartoon? If so, we know all about you. Oh, and do you ask ladies how many men they have "done it" with? We know all about you, too. And you are terrible.

American Idol died but we watched it anyway.

Snooki is becoming so much more expensive these days! She is in greater demand than America's first legal male prostitute. Still less pricey than a mail-order bride, though.

Harold Ford has friends in high places. Terrible, terrible friends. We were briefly scared they would buy him a nomination, but then Harold opened his mouth. And hilarious shit fell out of it and into the newspaper. This is, of course, all because some deluded rich people have decided that this is a good idea. Make no mistake: Harold Ford is as much of a New Yorker as anyone! He is just basically the absolute worst kind of New Yorker.

The other day, 150 people tried to adopt 15 dogs. Note to the rest of you: there are lots of other homeless dogs in New York. So... get one (or more) of those? Or just commit crimes and become a Facebook Folk Hero.

Jill Zarin was our intern. We will give someone a lot of money if they let us play with some sort of new Apple toy. (Apple did not find this amusing!)

Meanwhile, on Late Night TV, everything went to hell. Psyches were revealed. Heads were called for. Shemes were hatched. Hardball was played. Harsh words were exchanged. (Make sure to watch the Golden Globes on NBC!)

More TV that we watched: our OC Housewives, our New Jersey clowns, and those wacky Mormons.

Oh, and Ke$ha. You cannot forget Ke$ha.