A moment of silence for Azaria Jagger, whose long-time Flintstone multivitamin pill addiction culminated in a sugary-sweet calcium-fortified death today. In her final moment, she tweeted:
2 ManY WILmaS. I DIE nowwwwwww
I raced to her apartment and kicked down the door. There lay Azaria, struggling for breath on a floor littered with empty Flintstones containers, traces of pill dust, and burnt freebase sporks. A pastel rainbow of vitamin-tinted spittle frothed from her mouth. A strangled voice emerged: It's too late, Maureen. I'm gone. Can you do the gossip roundup?
As the ambulance pulled away I emailed Gabriel to tell him Azaria was dead and I was taking over. Your shift starts at midnight, he replied. See you tomorrow.
R.I.P. Azaria Jagger. She was only three months old. Here's where she got her name: Jagger and Azaria, the 954th most popular names for boys and girls in 2008.