With Fake Boobs and a Fake Tan, Winehouse Is One Bottle of Hair Bleach Away from ForgettableS

Amy Winehouse's self-destruction takes an unexpected turn into bimboland. Jersey Shore's stars get greedy and want fake boobs. NBC infighting escalates. LaToya Jackson has a new shot at fame. Tila Tequila takes aim at Megan Fox. Jai ho, Monday gossip.

  • Of all the destructive fates to befall Amy Winehouse, "forgettable" wasn't one I saw coming. But now that she's packing Posh Spice silicone and Snooki skin—and, are those new lips?—Wino is one blonde dye job away from Jessica Simpson territory. After a recording studio session, Amy went out with 14-year-old goddaughter Dionne Bromfield, who had lighter skin than Amy, despite being black. [fig.1] Also, she fell down, and looked like a little old lady. [fig.2] [DailyMail]

  • Jersey Shore stars at a Golden Globes gift suite: Bulls in a china shop, pigs in mud, horse flies swarming around fetid cheese. Snooki, JWoww, and Sweetheart grabbed all their orange hands could carry and asked a body consultant about their woes: Snooki wants to lose weight, JWoww wants new tits. Then they laughed at Heidi Montag's terrible plastic surgery. When the Jersey Shore kids think you look weird, you are officially a lost cause. [P6]

  • Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler read lines together at the Golden Globes, so obviously they are in love. It has to do with "awkward body language," but since Popeater fails to consult a body language expert, I'm not sure we can trust this. [Popeater]

  • After recent sloshed award show appearances, Mariah Carey's reputation precedes her, and Mo'nique took it upon herself to tell Mariah to stay away from booze until after their category was announced. Mimi obeyed. [NBN second item]

  • And if you crave still more Golden Globes: HuffPo's entertainment vertical overfloweth. Speaking of which, my personal favorite: "Golden Globes Breast Dressed: Who Wore Cleavage Best? (PHOTOS)" Haus of Arianna knows breast. [HuffPo]

  • La Toya Jackson wants Simon Cowell's American Idol seat, and though she's always been my favorite non-Michael member of the family, I fear she isn't mean enough. What they really need is Joe Jackson. [TMZ]

  • Former Us Weekly editrix Janice Min is getting six figures for her new book, From Mousewife to Momshell: The Rules and Celebrity Secrets for Being a Thinner, Younger and Sexier Mom. Oh, I know the answer to the middle one: Get knocked up at a younger age. Check, please. [P6]

  • No surprise here: NBC boss Jeff Zucker has been "nasty, arrogant, and threatening" in negotiations with Conan. Other execs, however, are trying to slink away from the mess: Fred Silverman, who told New York Times the fiasco was "a corporate embarrassment," was actually among those who hatched the "Mickey Mouse scheme," according to an email leaked to TMZ. Now, who could have done that? [TMZ] [TMZ]

  • Tiger Woods will return to the green this spring, with a spot on the PGA tour, says Radar, which is sticking with the Mississippi sex rehab story. Rehab must be going well if he's already planning a comeback. [Radar]

  • Taylor Momsen has no boyfriend. Which sounds about right since she's, what, 14 going on 45? [P6]

  • After Shirley MacLaine called Ann Coulter anorexic, Coulter's ex Andrew Stein defended her: "Ann is a beautiful woman with a sleek, slender figure who, in private, shows tenderness and kindness." Pretty sure Coulter considers "kindness" an insult. [P6]

  • Daily Dispatch from Annals of Tila: A new blog post calling Casey Johnson vibrator victim Jasmine Lennard a criminal and "EWWWW STD BITCH" prompts Lennard to laugh maniacally about how she's going to hunt Tila down and sue her silly. (Moments later, Jasmine tweleted.) Tila discusses various weapons it is illegal for her to own (and acknowledges her "baby daddy"!) and aims some rant love at "Suck Cock Megan Fox," whom she would like to taser. During the gun talk, she acknowledges her "baby daddy." [fig.3] Meanwhile, "lesbian Don Juan" and ex-girlfriend to both Casey and Tila, Courtenay Semel, has an E! interview coming up, but don't worry about missing it, because they'll tweet a thousand tinyURLs to web versions, anyway. [TilaBlog] [TilaTwitter] [JasmineTwitter]

Figure 1.
With Fake Boobs and a Fake Tan, Winehouse Is One Bottle of Hair Bleach Away from ForgettableS


Figure 2.

With Fake Boobs and a Fake Tan, Winehouse Is One Bottle of Hair Bleach Away from ForgettableS


Figure 3.

With Fake Boobs and a Fake Tan, Winehouse Is One Bottle of Hair Bleach Away from ForgettableS

With Fake Boobs and a Fake Tan, Winehouse Is One Bottle of Hair Bleach Away from ForgettableS

With Fake Boobs and a Fake Tan, Winehouse Is One Bottle of Hair Bleach Away from ForgettableS