Mo-o-om! Such was the plaintive, tweeted cry of 22-year-old rapper Bow Wow, who begged his awkwardly @-tweeting, flirtatious mother to quit Twitter last night. But no, she refused to go, and the micro fight got ugly.
After Bow Wow's tweeted drunk driving incident on New Year's Eve, it was about time @bowwow614 got some adult supervision. So when Atlanta boutique owner and stage mom @MsTCaldwell joined, it seemed like a good idea: Nothing like a mother's tsk to make a wayward rapper clean up his act. But then, she actually said stuff. Embarrassing mom stuff. Like this:
And gross MILF stuff, like this*:
And then, the @-tweets. Humiliating @-tweets, as though @Ciara and @Nelly_MO were her friends instead of his. @SolangeKnowles, calling her "sweetie." @KimKardashian, asking for weight loss tips. @iamdiddy, @wyclef, @barondavis, @therealtaraji. It was all too much for Bow to bear. He began a campaign to expel his mother from Twitter.
But then—the horror!—his fans rallied around her instead of him:
Finally, he resorted to threats.
But Teresa Caldwell would not be muzzled. She smacked her son down the way only a mama can: with shame, and the Lord's name.
As fans rallied around Ms. Caldwell, Mr. Wow—chagrined, ashamed, emasculated—gave in. He deleted the anti-mom tweets from his account, and Teresa stayed to humiliate another day.
Moral of the story: Moms on Twitter will ruin your fun, and there's nothing you can do about it. This is the way trendy websites end: Not with a bang, but a mother.
* At the risk of proving myself a WTFreak: What the heck does "cnl" mean? Urban Dictionary offers nothing, and Google offers a bank, a communications firm, and a Russian evangelical TV channel, none of which sounds right. In lieu of evidence to the contrary, I'm going to assume it's an old-lady euphemism for something dirty.