Dear Jen and Gerard, Here Are the Gossip Write-Ups You've Been SeekingS

Aniston and Butler are obsessive-compulsive fake-romance rumormongers. Madonna tries for a baby Jesus, Britney sinks to a new low, Kate Moss gets engaged, Kim Kardashian will get a wedding ring when Reggie gets his Superbowl one. Here comes Tuesday gossip.

  • Alright, Butiston, you leave me no choice but to tear the curtain back from the love you so desperately tried to hide from America by rubbing your faces all over each other on the red carpet last night. Apparently the pair drank Moet backstage at the Golden Globes and "were making out in the kitchen," just like the time Chuck Bass tried to rape Serena in his dad's hotel's restaurant, because nothing says "time for sex" like the scent of burning cheese and rush of jet-powered dishwashers. [P6]

  • Jen and Gerry's "lingerie romp" for W magazine's cover is "the raciest cover that W magazine has ever shot. Far more sexy than the famous Brad and Angelina pictures in bed." [NBN]

  • But wait, could Antler's love be... fake? Gerard spent the Golden Globes flirting with Zoe Saldana. He doesn't care about Jen, nor she him, they're promoting a movie. [NBN second item]

  • Madonna wants to bear a "baby Jesus" to "toyboy lover Jesus Luz." I didn't know they reversed the syllables like that in England. [Mirror]

  • Reggie Bush made a deal with Kim Kardashian: If the Saints win the Superbowl, he'll propose, hopefully with his Superbowl ring. [P6az]

  • This is low. To get around the $1500/week allowance her dad gives her as a term of his conservatorship, Britney Spears used her bodyguard's credit card to buy Steve Madden boots at a store in the Valley. She told the store clerk it was a business credit card, and proceeded to sign her own name on it, much like a teenager sneaking a shopping spree on the "emergency" credit card. [TMZ]

  • Ivana Trump (Not Ivanka. Ivana.) posed in her underwear for a boudoir shoot on Celebrity Big Brother. This cannot what she expected for her golden years when she married Donald. [Sun]

  • Flying back from the Golden Globes, the Jersey Shore kids were "obnoxious, pushy, and entitled." They also sucked at the metal detector, owing to all those gold chains. [P6]

  • Former chaste couple Nick Jonas and Selena Gomez spent an afternoon together in Chicago. Are they back together? And, how does a child of Selena's age so successfully traverse the world in stilettos? [TMZ]

  • Kenickie from Grease and former Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew patient Jeff Conaway suffered traumatic injuries to his hip, arm, neck, and brain after a fall down the stairs yesterday. [TMZ]

  • This 3AM headline is brutal: "Kate Moss Is Engaged to Another Ugly Man, Doesn't Matter What His Name Is." Okay, fine, I'll bite: Jamie Hince plays guiar for the Kills and goes by the pseudonym Hotel. [3AM]

  • Man date alert: Brody Jenner played poker with Irv Gotti, then partied at Nobu 57 and 1Oak. This is a really weird pair, and was better when I thought Gotti was a mafioso. He's actually a music producer. [P6]