The Way We Live Now: Cursing the minimum wage laws. Curse you, minimum wage! Were it not for your harsh dictates, maybe we'd still have that part-time poverty-maintaining job down at the canning plant. Now all we have is Cash4Gold.

Instead of listening to Democrats or poor people who want money, let's listen to economists. Do you hear that? It's the sound of economists saying the minimum wage laws are evil. This economist says the minimum wage increase killed off tons of part-time jobs, and this economist (well, not "economist"—internet opinion-holder) says the minimum wage increase killed all the tuna-canning jobs in American Samoa. And sadly little countries like Gabon are following our lead to try to be "cool," and all those Gabonese workers with newly increased wages surely have hell to look forward to.

It's simple math and science: if the government gives employers the freedom to pay workers as little as they please, it will give those workers greater incentive to sell their jewelry to Cash4Gold, which could really use some help right now. Since gold prices are falling, this will enable Cash4Gold to buy a mind-boggling quantity of gold for practically nothing, which will in turn allow Cash4Gold to create even more poverty-wage gold-smelting jobs in needy places like East New York, and 30 or 40 of those workers can all band together and buy a Coach bag, putting Coach that much closer to a 12% profit increase, which benefits not only the executives of Coach but also their now-less-than-minimum-wage-earning household help.

Economics is just a big cycle. No idea why liberals can't figure this stuff out.