Scott Brown Market Bump: Three Day Collapse

As predicted by serious financial journalists, the stock market rallied the day Scott Brown became our new Naked Senator. For like a minute! Then they all crashed. Why did they crash after CNBC promised they wouldn't? Because of Barack Obama!

As we all know, the markets are rational and efficient means of determining the worth of blah blah it is a bunch of panicky babies basically. The story goes that Scott Brown was going to kill the health care which made the markets feel nice but then they felt bad for some other reason that no one knows so they went down and then Barack Obama was all "fuck this I'm bringing in Volcker" and this bank thing he said made the markets feel even worse, and also at some point everyone's pension was replaced with a 401(k) so whatever just relax and enjoy the ride!