OH GOOD GOD THIS CAN'T. WAIT. UNTIL. TOMORROW. HUG LOVED ONES. DON'T STAND NEAR ANY WINDOWS. SHELTER YOUR THIRD-WORLD CHILDREN. GO TO CHURCH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Brad and Angelina appear to be breaking up. UPDATE: Perez offers dissent.
In legal papers signed this month, the world's most famous couple has also agreed to share custody of their six kids, sources say. "The document was signed in early January," a source told the British tabloid. The contract, signed by Pitt and Jolie, is similar to a pre-nuptial agreement. "It seemed clear they want the world to know they'll both play a part in the upbringing of the children," the source said. "But Angelina will actually be the one who lives with them full-time." Pitt, 46, will have full access to their three biological children - Shiloh and twins Knox and Vivienne - as well as the three adopted children - Maddox, from Cambodia; Zahara, from Ethiopia; and Pax, from Vietnam.
We have but one concern.
What do we tag it? Ideas:
IN THE PITTS
THE MAD PITT
YO GABBA DIASPORA
UNDER THE DIASPORA TREE
*CRYING SELF TO SLEEP*
Etc. If you think of anything better, please put it in the comments. Also, some perspective: if this is true, that means we have to give crazy bedazzled sleazebucket celebrity journalist Ian Halperin the benefit of the doubt more often. He previously noted that Pitt's weed-smokin' ways were pissing Angelina off, and that Angelina's straight-up crazypants bullshit was getting to Brad. All I care about is whether or not Pitt and Anniston get back together. Face it, people: the time has come. For me to collect on a $100 bet.
Update: Schmershmez Schmilton, who hates wonderful things, got a rep to tell him that Brangelina weren't breaking up:
Here's how things like that work: a flack tells Perez they aren't breaking up, and whether or not it's true, Perez runs with it, so he can get the exclusive advance on an item with that publicist later, regardless of whether or not the publicist is doing it to take heat off of the story while reps work a strategy. Or it's true. But this couple's had long-rumored problems for a while, and when there's smoke, there's fire.
[Photo via Getty Images]