What do you do if you're a formerly hot actor plagued by gay rumors? Hire a street performer to make out with you in front of the paparazzi, of course. We submit the footage to frame-by-frame analysis.
According to People.com, Butler spent Sunday in Venice Beach where a violinist who performs on the street caught his eye. The two meet up for a little tonsil hockey before
she collects her check for services rendered parting ways.
This is obviously a plant. Since being linked to Jennifer Aniston for their upcoming movie The Bounty Hunter didn't work—mostly because America sees Aniston as a sad, lonely cat lady incapable of attracting an eligible man—Butler's management team had to come up with something very hetero and very macho to prove how straight he is so women will buy tickets to his romantic comedy. Hence an on-the-street meeting between him and a lady captured by the cameras. It seems real, but we have a feeling someone in Camp Butler tipped off the paps that this was gonna go down.
This video, which you can watch on TMZ, needs an in-depth analysis.
After meeting his intended on the street, where she was playing violin with a friend, Butler and his target are left alone to make their kissy face for the cameras.
Kissing starts, but her head is blocking all the action.
In the earpiece he is wearing, Gerard's publicist tells him to move their heads to the right so that the paparazzi can confirm tongue swapping.
Gerard says, "That was OK, wasn't it." She says, "You kiss like a girl."
Gerard starts pacing nervously and says, "Well, I can't help it. I don't like girls. I'm not used to kissing them. What do you want from me?"
The enlightened lady, bold with the fat check that is burning a hole in her yoga pants says, "Maybe you should man up a bit."
More nervous pacing, and then Gerard says, "I am so macho though, look at me?"
She affects a lispy little girl voice, "I am so macho. Look at meeee! I'm a princess!"
He's pissed off, but he's pretending to make nice. He says, "OK, well, you got your money. No need to be mean about it. I'm going to leave, why don't you go inside."
He's happy to be going and says, "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya." He thanks her politely, though he is secretly pissed that the girl he used to make himself seem like the mac daddy made fun of him.
And they part in the night. Supposedly they exchanged numbers, but they were probably just finishing the transfer to her Swiss bank account for diverting the gay rumors, at least for a little while.