Snooki Calls Jersey Shore 'Classy,' Just in Time for Jwoww's Naked Scandal

Jersey Shore kids scoff at The Hills and Jerry Springer; Brangelina's PR team floats a new break-up excuse; Stephanie Pratt gets bounced; Nancy Grace's suicide-inducement trial will be televised, after all. Wednesday's gossip roundup is full of Schadenfreude.

  • Jersey Shore star Jwoww's boudoir photos are "being shopped to several outlets." (I'm surprised it took this long.) The salesman apparently went to Radar (which apparently didn't want them, since they turned it into a gossip item, instead) In the pics, a topless Jwoww poses in a "skimpy wrap" that "does not obscure the rear view! She's also wearing boots." I'm having trouble envisioning the kind of boots that go with this ensemble. Cowgirl? [Radar]

  • Surely, though, Jwoww's photos will be classy, for that is what Snooki says guidettes are. Refusing to meet Jerry Springer, she said: "I am way classier than that. We are not The Hills." Spring and Snooks were dining at the same restaurant at decidedly non-classy mega-casino Foxwoods, which sort of obviates "class," no? Besides, Springer's show was the urtext of televised sociological experiments like Jersey Shore. Jerry may not have class, but at least he's self-aware. [P6]

  • Team Brangelina Damage Control has tactics: The break-up rumors came about because the pair met with their lawyer, but it wasn't to prepare for split—it was to safeguard their $330M assets, Gatecrasher explains. Or to prepare a living will, says Naughty but Nice. "People hear 'legal papers' and assume it means divorce," when in fact it could mean 2gether 4ever. [Gatecrasher] [NBN]

  • Stephanie Pratt brought a "big entourage" to a party at Sundance and most of them got bounced. She threw a tantrum. It didn't matter. Sweet justice. [P6]

  • Kiefer Sutherland lost an alleged $869,000 to a Ponzi scheme involving Mexican cows. Now a man has been charged for 12 cattle-related felonies, but what I want to know is, what happened to the cows? Did they even exist? Are we going to eat them? [TMZ]

  • When Kim Kardashian accompanies boyfriend Reggie Bush to the Super Bowl, she'll ride around town in a Vault XXL2 Armor Horse Limousine, a "tank/limo hybrid built with composite ballistic panels and bullet-resistant windows." Amazing that those even exist within the borders anymore—last I heard, Saudi princes, Iraq mercenary squads, and Mexican drug cartels were buying that stuff up. [TMZ]

  • Coming soon to television: Nancy Grace's court appearance for the case of the parents of the woman she perhaps drove to suicide on her TV show. Nancy tried to get the cameras thrown out for fear that nefarious people would use TV to make her look bad and drive her to—oh, right. Hopefully she gets served. [TMZ]

  • The woman who accused David Copperfield of raping her on his private island has been charged with prostitution and filing a false claim. Whatamess. [TMZ]

  • Remember when Kevin Federline got fat? It's because he was depressed. He slimmed down on Celebrity Fit Club. Now he's skinny and happy, and is proud of Britney for getting her shit together, too. [People]

  • Kevin Kline compared acting to whoring. [Gatecrasher]

  • In a bonefishing contest at Jay McInerney's private island in Turks & Caicos, McInerney won by catching 49 twenty pounders; Pink Floyd's Roger Waters came in second with 29; a Rockefeller, an architect, and snobby twins came in last. This is the set-up for a surrealist play. [P6]