John Mayer took time out of his busy schedule of banging Hollywood starlets to coo, whisper, and be "sensitive Johnny" to his throngs of adoring teenage girls on VH1's Storytellers. So who is the real Mayer: womanizer or sensitive man-child?

Both! But no one knows the "real" John Mayer except John Mayer, his mother, and maybe his guitar (so sensitive!). He has created so many personas for himself in the last decade it's hard to see who he's even trying to be; because he's catering to three very distinct groups of people to gain as much credibility and publicity as possible.

  • He's a partying lady's man. John Mayer loves to be seen with a (very famous) lady on his arm when he comes out of a high profile restaurant/club, thus creating a neverending crowd of paparazzi buzzing around him. This keeps him in the spotlight with women, ages 18-35.
  • He's a jokester. When those cameras are on him, he's really just a fun-loving prankster. And oddly enough, he is kinda funny. This sense of humor makes men, ages 18-29 like him.
  • He's a sensitive teddy bear. He strums his guitar and sings those sweet ballads. He wants to get in your pants, but not before he gets to really know you first. He loves holding hands and cuddling. This makes the demographic of women ages 13-92 love him.

But only one was on display during Storytellers last night. And that was the sensitive, caring John Mayer that sings his touching songs about daughters while making his face look like silly putty.


This John Mayer is boring—but important—because it's the side of John Mayer that makes all the other John Mayers possible. Without 'Sensitive, loving Mayer', would we ever get the 'Leaving Mr. Chow and being a smartass to the papparazzi Mayer'? Would we ever get the John Mayer who is trying to fuck his way through Hollywood, breaking as many hearts as possible? Probably not! Without this:

We would never get this:

It's John Mayer's world, we're all just living in it. But be forewarned Mr. Mayer: We never ever ever want to hear you complain about your celebrity. You have created this two-headed monster, now you have to live with it.

[VH1 Storytellers]