Flirt Alert! Tinsley Mortimer, the bubbly blonde socialite of our dreams, is single and ready to mingle. She was spotted at Sundance looking for a man, which is pretty desperate. So we thought we'd help her find The One.
Crash course for the Tinsley illiterate: She is a daffy 34-year-old socialite who's huge in Japan (seriously, she is) and used to be married to a guy named Topper. She's that WASPy! She finished taping an upcoming reality show on the CW last month that's all about being a social and she just broke up with Constantine Maroulis from American Idol. So who can such a treasure date? We have five ideas, including some young ones, because couuuugars are all the rage these days. (It's 2007, right?)
Peter "PC" Peterson
You remember PC. He's the young maybe-gay buck from NYC Prep, another reality show about New York butterflies. Sure he's like really young — 19 or 20, tops (bottoms?) — but who cares! The confused young lad could use a sherpa to take him by the ears and teach him the ways of the parlor and the boudoir. And Tinsley would look so hip and so young and so now. Plus, you know, reality TV synergy. We know the boy isn't afraid to sign a release.
The Perfect Date: Dinner at DBGB downtown, drinks at The Box, to feel uncomfortable and vaguely sexy together.
Ronan is the improbably dreamboatish son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen, so he's Upper West Side royalty, basically. Plus he's like a genius. Kid's only about 22 and he's already graduated from Yale Law and is a vocal activist for peace and equality and all those good things. A younger man, sure, but an intelligent and driven one. Plus, so blonde! Imagine the perfect Aryan babies they'd have. It'd be enough to make a Nazi weep.
The Perfect Date: Because they come from warring sides of the park, they'd meet, diplomatically like Ronan would want it, in the middle. So we're thinking a picnic in the park (soft French cheeses, fresh bread, big green grapes, a fizzy Vinho Verde) followed by a show under the stars at the Delacorte. Farrow could explain the activist thought behind a Brecht show, and Tinsley could nod solemnly and look at the birdies.
Justin Rocket Silverman
Everyone needs a nice guy from time to time. Rocket is the square-jawed New York Post reporter who is emminently effable, despite reports to the contrary. The obvious media connections (Silverman writes a lot of New Yorky feature stories) could prove a boon to Tinsley, plus it'd be nice for her to date someone her own age. They'd be the toast of town. She the twittering social starlet, he the lighthearted social journo. He'd do the Sunday crossword, she'd read Styles, and then they'd go walk their dogs.
The Perfect Date: Something low-key and maybe kind of smart. A pensive stroll around the East Village, followed by pierogies at Veselka and then a nightcap at Death & Co. (ask for Alex). Maybe a romantic kiss in a cab rumbling uptown.
Forget the Post! If you want real New York old media clout, you gotta go after the Times. And who better to sink your hooks into than the publisher himself? Arthur Sulzberger has been single for a bit now, and he's the kind of older, more experienced fellow who could introduce the Tinz to real respectable types. But wait! There's also Sulzberger's hottie boombalottie son A.G., a cub reporter who does quirky metro stories and gets everyone's delicates in a deluge. Compared to dad, he's cute and young and trendy. Who to pick? Both! Just don't tell them.
The Perfect Date: With Dad, it'd have to be somewhere midtown and media-y. Let's say Monkey Bar for dinner and drinks. With Junior, a frenzy of greasy small plates and slurped Riesling at The Spotted Pig and then a light round of fucking in the bathroom at Lure, after A.G. had to stop by to say hi to some of his dad's amused friends.
Politicians are all the rage these days! Especially John Edwards. Now that he's single, Tinsley could swoop in and stake her claim where so many claims have been staked before. Despite his many indiscretions, Edwards might still have the political capital to get Tinsley swinging in the DC scene, which is where everyone wants to be these days. Or at least they wanted to be, like a year ago. Now, not so much. Maybe this isn't the best idea.
The Perfect Date: Dinner at home, TV at home, grunty groping at home. Edwards doesn't really want to risk being photographed on a date right now.