Apple and The iPad Doublespeak Propaganda Videos: Now With Flash-FAIL

Remember Apple's classic '1984' ad campaign? Funny how they ended up employing Big Brother's turn-and-burn on the truth, the difference being: George Orwell labeled it "doublespeak," and Apple passes it off as advertising.

Among the many disappointments the iPod Tampax iPad provided angry geeks with, one of the ones that particularly stood out was Apple's inability or refusal to incorporate a browser capable of processing flash—which I understand as those fancy internet world wide web page sites that move around and do crazy things normal, still webpages like this one can't—into the iPad. The people who make Flash were so pissed they even issued a press release about it. But here's the thing: Apple was pretending like Flash did work, in their promo videos.

Apple and The iPad Doublespeak Propaganda Videos: Now With Flash-FAIL

[Image via MacRumors]

This is especially funny in light of the fact that during his big iPad presentation, Steve Jobs showed a page where Flash didn't load, because Flash doesn't work on the iPad! Whoops.

Apple and The iPad Doublespeak Propaganda Videos: Now With Flash-FAIL

This is going to piss a lot of people who want to buy this thing off, because it prevents them from using Hulu, and some porn sites, and let's face it: the iPad could revolutionize jacking off. Gadget nerds are smart, pesky little fuckers, because they spend all day touching buttons for the sake of touching buttons, so naturally, they noticed this and jumped down Apple's throat. So, Apple corrected it.

Apple and The iPad Doublespeak Propaganda Videos: Now With Flash-FAIL

Team Flash noted that they're building something to help people make apps with Flash. Because I don't know about computer machines, I don't know why Apple wouldn't want Flash on their computer machines, though it might have something to do with exclusive deals that optimize specific content with things like YouTube, and to keep sales and development in the App Store moving in the direction they want it to.

Anyway, here's what you need to know: if you own an iPhone or the iPod touch, you've by now realized that, like the iPad won't with a big screen, they don't work with Flash on their baby screens, either, which makes me want to punch someone in the face, because it hinders my ability to play with things like Hype Machine and Kongregate, which both utilize flash to let you find all the free music you want and play all the awesome time-wasting flash games you can tolerate before having an aneurysm, respectively. Free music and flash games are awesome. Dolphin Olympics forevah! That said, I'm not sure how Dolphin Olympics would work on the iPhone, or even if it could, which is maybe why they haven't done it yet? Either way, I don't know much about computers so whatever. JUST MAKE IT WORK, NERDS. GIVE ME MY FUCKING DOLPHIN OLYMPICS.

[Images via MacRumors]