Warner Music's Michael Fleisher: Finally, a Loose-Dicked Philanderer with Good TasteS

Just in time for the Grammy's! An awesome gossip item today about Warner Music co-chairman Michael Fleisher, who cheated on his wife with a young waitress, and then stalked her. But one thing stuck out about Fleisher's exploratory-prone penis.

It has taste.

As the story goes, Boris & Natasha-esque New York Daily News gossip duo Rush & Molloy set today's moose-and-squirrel sights on the 44 year-old Fleisher, as they got quotes from both the way cute, 22 year-old waitress he cheated on his wife with, Lauren Shelly and Fleisher himself. It's a pretty great story, and as it goes, they had an affair, and he wanted to break up with his wife for her. This is funny, because he left his first wife for his current wife, who's the mother of his child, which just goes to show you that very often people—especially sleazy people—don't change their behaviors. Anyway! He kept calling and texting her and showing up at her work, and she admitted what happened to her boyfriend. Apparently, Lauren Shelly's boyfriend became obsessed and started calling the Fleishers in the middle of the night. Shelly and her boyfriend also went to the chairman of Warner Music to get Fleisher to back off. Fleisher sent investigators to Shelly's apartment, and made threats with lawyers. Fleisher's wife also got involved, and sent angry texts to Shelly a little over a week ago! Also, there was an investigation at Warner Music, and Fleisher was naturally cleared on any wrongdoing against the company. It all ends like this, in a kicker to the Rush & Molloy gossip item:

[Fleisher] does admit his "brief relationship" with Shelley was "a mistake, and I take full responsibility for my actions. I have apologized to my wife for the pain I have caused her and we are working together to move on with our lives."

So everything works out in the end, I guess. Right? Either way, New York's Philandering Philanders are going crazy lately! The Daily News even noted the resemblance of this case to the billboard-busted Oracle president, Charles Phillips. It's like a stampede of home-wrecking penises and vaginas escaping everywhere, all over Manhattan! But people everywhere cheat and have affairs, so is this just coincidentally topical, or is there something in the air lately?

Regardless, though, the funny thing about most philanders is that—besides often being creepy, which is probably indicative of larger issues—they have really shitty taste. There's always those cliches of the man who takes his mistress to the fleabag motel, or the back of the low-profile Indian joint, so he can seduce some cheating sex on the relatively DL-tip. Ah, but Fleisher rises above the fold.

Lauren Shelley, a willowy 22-year-old college student, got to know Fleisher, 44, while she was waiting tables at Le Brasserie.

"We went out to the Modern restaurant at the MoMA. It got really late. We'd been drinking. He said he was going to get a room at the Plaza." What happened at the Plaza? "We definitely fooled around," she recalls.

Soon, she says, Fleisher invited her to dinner at the Grocery in Brooklyn Heights.

Warner Music's Michael Fleisher: Finally, a Loose-Dicked Philanderer with Good TasteS

First of all, get your restaurant nouns right, Daily News: that's The Grocery, The Plaza, and The Modern. Copy-editing nitpicking aside, this is really impressive! I mean, Brasserie's really nothing special, but at least he didn't meet her at the Russian Tea Room or some cliche shit like that. Also, The Modern's kinda overrated (like many Danny Meyer restaurants), but then again, it is a Danny Meyer restaurant, former New York Times food critic Frank Bruni gave it two stars, later confessed to really loving it, and really, how wrong can you go with the man behind Shake Shack. The Grocery was one of the first places to put Smith Street's dining scene on the map to Manhattanites, and though people say they've gone downhill in recent years, The Grocery's managed to retain their solo star and really, the one meal I had there was pretty great! Finally, The Plaza's also kind of an overrated rich tourist trap, but for New York Classics effect, you can't go too wrong. If anything, I can't imagine Fleisher running into much of his Warner Music talent at any of these places, because they're all patently unhip and not really that hot, but for places to take a cheating girlfriend in New York, considering the precedent of cliche, I'm impressed. All of which begs the question: the guy presumably has access to the entire Warner Music library. What jams does he get his cheat on to? Philanders have difficult choices to make!

The lesson here is that cheating and having taste is a problem that can be dealt with. You can either put a little extra legwork into finding places that are both appropriately decent and appropriately hidden....or you could just keep your dick in your pants. There's always that.