The Way We Live Now: enamored with strategies doomed to backfire. College? Big waste of money. Taxing the rich? You're punishing the best and brightest. When will the unemployed just start working harder, for money?
Here is—yea sure, big surprise—some news, about your hopes and dreams of going to college or graduating from college or paying back your college loans or having college be worthwhile: turns out that smart math people who used to say that going to college would help you earn a million extra dollars over your lifetime made a wee mistake. In fact, you'll actually only earn about $300k more—unless you happen to graduate during a recession, which you will, so, fuck everything.
This is just one example of Americans doing the wrong thing because they don't understand math-o-nomics. (Maybe if they taught it in college, hello?). Here's another example: NObama wants to tax the rich, successful people to help the poor, unsuccessful people. Hey genius, did you consider that this move may endanger the rich people's plucky, can-do attitude, which is truly America's greatest natural asset? With one in eight Americans relying on food banks for their meals, we can't afford to be cavalier with our treatment of the rich, who own all of America's good restaurants.
Quitting college, helping the wealthy—these are the sort of "outside of the box" mathometric solutions that the government doesn't want you thinking about. Because when you put it all under the keen eye of an expert, they'll tell you that the government totally just makes up the number of jobs it "created" through various misguided programs. And when you understand that the government can't count, you also understand that your own economic progress is not in the hands of some faceless bureaucrat. It's in the hands of you, the unemployed poor person. If you can't solve your own problems, you have only yourself to blame.
[And your worthless college. Pic via]