Thirteen Years, Yardstick of Height Difference Doesn't Bother Hayden or Boyfriend

Hayden Panettiere's heavyweight boxer boyfriend forces us to confront our ageist, sizeist assumptions. Sandra Bullock would trade her Oscar nod for a dog. Jersey Shore contemplates Fashion Week. Holy crap, is Britney pregnant again? Wednesday gossip is not to scale.

  • Is it sizeist to say this picture of the cheerleader from Heroes and her enormous heavyweight boxer boyfriend freaks me out? Is it ageist to say I find a 20-year-old former child star's relationship with a 33-year-old professional pugilist somewhat icky? If she wants an older man publicity relationship, why not check Gerard Butler out of the boyfriend library? That any agent would orchestrate a fake relationship with Ukranian professional boxer is perhaps the strangest conceit of all. Unless, of course, this is real. In which case Hayden Panettiere has inexplicable taste in men. Milo Ventimiglia, then this? [JJ]

  • Jersey Shore has accomplished the unthinkable: At least three designers have inted cast members to sit—or model—at the upcoming New York Fashion Week. The Greatest Sociological Experiment of Our Time is officially complete, and Team: MTV Schadenfreude won. Anna Wintour is going to strangle a bitch. Nina Garcia questions America's taste level. [P6]

  • Brittany Murphy's public memorial is "mysteriously on hold." Husband-turned-interview salesman Simon Monjack was going to use it to raise funds for his new Brittany Murphy Foundation this Thursday at the Beverly Hills Temple of the Arts, but "postponed." Reason unknown. [TMZ]

  • Britney Spears is back in the recording studio and inviting pregnancy rumors with a tight white dress. Does the Starbcks cup in her hand debunk it? Only if you believe she has some sense of prenatal responsibility. [Superficial]

  • Sandra Bullock's husband's dog CinnaBun ran away, and Sandy "would give anything—including her Oscar nomination—to get little CinnaBun back." Understandable. That's one cute dog. [NBN]

  • Gerard Butler is done fake-dating Jennifer Aniston. He's on to rebounding Reese Witherspoon now, says Star. "Is Gerard Butler just on standby for when you need to appear not frigid?" asks Lainey Gossip. [LG]

  • But wait! Reese was spotted running errands with "a very tall friend." What is with all these monstrously tall boyfriends? Unless everyone is dating their bodyguards? [JJ]

  • Michael Jackson's dead giraffes are not resting in peace: JJ and Rambo were exhumed and reburied after townspeople near their original resting place complained that they could smell their long necks rotting. (The belated excavation of two rotting giraffes is among the grosser things I have ever imagined.) For good measure, the townspeople filed suit to evict Jacko's suriving giraffes, Annie Sue and Princess, from the Arizona wildlife preserve they border. [TMZ]

  • Ne-Yo condemned Chris Brown for beating Rihanna. Better one year late than never? [P6]

  • Randy Jackson is getting sued because Randy Jackson Presents America's Best Dance Crew might not have been his idea. A guy named Dwight McGhee says MTV stole his 2004 pitch for an International Breakerz League. (1.) Puh-leeze. (2.) Even if the formula's obvious? ABDC is good. I hereby declare it would be less good if its name had a 'z' in it. [TMZ]

  • Claire Danes has purple hair. It's probably for a role. It's as ugly as you fear. [TMZ]

  • The horror, the horror: A celebrity was accidentally seated in business class instead of first. Since it was Kanye West, it's funny. He threw a tantrum and got bumped up. [P6]