The Most Desperate Fake Celebrity Quotes EverS

Would two posts in one day about the comically atrocious PR work of 5WPR be too many? Yes. Too bad. We are obligated—if only as a cautionary tale—to bring you these examples of 5W's incompetent manufactured celebuquotes.

Both of these masterpieces were sent by the same 5WPR flack today.

Dear [Unfortunate Journalist],

The ever popular Jersey Shore star, Nicole "Snooki" Palozzi, was spotted leaving a GNC in NYC buying Dr. Siegal's Cookie Diet. Sources hear that she took "The Situation's" fat comment to heart and the paparazzi confirmed that.

She wants to get rid of her "rolls" as The Situation put it, and trade them in for Dr. Siegal's Cookies! Snooki was overheard in the store saying she wants to look good for the next season of the Jersey Shore and it seems she plans to do that with Dr. Siegal's SNOOKI Diet!

Many high res images available. Contact me ASAP if interested in featuring this item.

Thanks!
[Product of America's schools, now languishing at 5WPR]

If you found that to be an unconvincing celebrity story, you'll love this:

Dear [Same beleaguered reporter],

Hope all is well. Kristen Bell was all smiles this weekend, celebrating her new movie "When in Rome," which was a hit!

She was seen at a restaurant in LA on Saturday having an enjoyable lunch and was spotted using her "favorite" Supersmile product, the single dose Whitening Mouth Rinse! She also used it for instant fresh breath in between takes when she was shooting "When in Rome," because of all the smooching her character did!

Kristen was even quoted saying, "My favorite is the single use mouthwash refresher, and it's so easy to use anywhere. I keep the packets with me on set because as an actor, it's so important to have fresh breath!"

Please let me know if you'd like samples of the Supersmile Whitening Mouth Rinse or more information.

Thanks!
[The same flack, killer of angels]

That Kristen Bell quote should not even be legal. Neither should that Snooki one, actually, since they just consist of 5WPR fabricating "overheard" quotes from people they don't represent to win press for the uninteresting brands they do represent. This is, apparently, 5WPR's only remaining tactic.

Ronn [sic] has demanded we "immediately rectify" this item by sending along some pictures of Snooki holding those cookies while leaving a GNC and a screencap of SuperSmile's "Celeb Testimonials" which you can read for yourself!