Christian Bale and Javier Bardem: What Is This Movie They Are Making?S

Christian Bale and Javier Bardem are in a plotless romantic drama. New entries in The Da Vinci Code and Fast and the Furious series of popular films. A movie about a shark attack. Trade Roundup: let us do this thing.

We just led with the Christian Bale and Javier Bardem news because we knew you'd guys click, cause you've all got big fat crushes on them. (Or, at least on Javier.) There is really not much information about the new FilmNation Entertainment flick they are starring in: Terrence Malick (The Thin Red Line, The New World is directing. Rachel McAdams and Olga Kurylenko are also starring. It will start filming this fall. We do not know the plot. That is it. Sorry. [Variety]

We knew the story of Bethany Hamilton, the surfer who had her arm bitten of by a shark when she was 13, would become a movie! But we imagined Hollywood would twist it around and Hollywood-ify it, so the plot would center around Hamilton as she hunted down and killed the very shark that ate her arm. It would be called SHARK HUNT! No: It is called Soul Surfer and it stars country star Carrie Underwood as a church youth group leader, plus Dennis Quaid and Helen Hunt. AnnaSophia Robb will play Hamilton. [Variety]

Whoopie Goldberg and Kathy Bates—who always struck us as weirdly similar actors—have joined the cast of Earthbound. Earthbound is some kind of love story which stars Kate Hudson and Gael Garcia Bernal. [THR]

Least surprising book adaptation news ever: The Lost Symbol—the third and final Da Vinci Code Book—is being adapted into a major motion picture. The Da Vinci Code movie grossed $758 million back in 2006, though Angels and Demons only made $486 million. Still, The Lost Symbol sold one million copies in one day. And people like movies way more than books. [Variety]

We joked a while back that CNN was turning into a humanitarian aid reality show. Do not joke about these things because they will become a reality (show)! The producer of Hell's Kitchen is developing a reality series based on a group of emergency workers who visit real life disasters. Ted Skylar Agoglia, a member of First Response Team of America and certified CNN "Hero" has signed on. Whoever rescues the most people wins a PT Cruiser and $20,000. [TheWrap]

Yes, there will be another Fast and Furious. It is called Fast Five. Vin Diesel and Paul Walker are in it. [Variety]

Deadline hears that Disney has over 10 bidders for Miramax. What do you want to bet it's just the Weinstein Bros. calling up 10 times in funny voices? Hallo! My name ist Count Johan Rotterdam und my brother, Prudhum, und I am very interested in purchasing thees movie company. [Deadline]

Mo'Nique is hosting Shaquille O'Neal Presents: All-Star Comedy Jam. It will air on Showtime. Er, Sho'Wtime. [THR]