MTV has a poll up with some rather horrible suggestions for where they should film the ill-fated second season of the most important sociological experiment of our time. Sorry, but these just won't do. We have some better ideas.
Here are the places you can vote to send Snooki and the rest of our favorite guileless guidos: Miami (too fancy), Ibiza (too international), South Boston (too accenty), The Congo (too many gorillas—real gorillas), Skywalker Ranch (too nerdy), 'The Hills' of L.A. (we know what JWOWW would do to Heidi Montag's new face and it's not pretty), Detroit (hmm...maybe), Cabo (too classy).
We need someplace that is going to be warm, have plenty of parties, lots of single people for our crew to hook up, and tons and tons of alcohol. A beach isn't really necessary because they only went once the entire first season and they have GTL to keep them fit and looking their orangey best. One of these has to be the next location.
The Hamptons: This has been a popular talking point in our live blogs. What an awesome season if we send the Jersey Shore crew to The Hamptons and watch them try to avoid getting run over by an SUV when attempting to infiltrate the world of A-list parties, polo matches, and exclusive beach clubs. What I wouldn't pay to see Ronnie's reaction the first time some maître d' tells Sammi she isn't dressed nicely enough for dinner at their restaurant.
Sydney: Sydney is a beach town and those Aussies love to party. What we're hoping is that MTV hasn't exported the show down under yet. That way the kids won't be famous and no one will fuck with them during filming. That way, we can have another "pure" season like the first one with the additional spice of them being completely out of their element. Instead of basking in the guido paradise, they'll be like Ed Hardy missionaries on a quest to beat up the beat across continents. The Aussies also have a subculture of macho brawlers who are trashy in their own right. Let's see worlds collide.
Provincetown: It's going to be a little chilly to start filming in March like they plan but PTown is a year-round destination. And just wait until these guys get a hold of the club scene up there! JWOWW could open for renown drag queen Dina Martina, Snooki would be a huge hit with all the boys, as would DJ Paulie Dabbles. Sure, the gays wouldn't really be down with the fighting, but they would play along and camp up the whole enterprise.
Prison: It's where some of them would end up eventually, and Ronnie spent at least a night there last season. Let's see them try to have a good time while fighting for their very survival inside the clink. It would be like Oz, with a laugh track.
Burning Man: Sure, this annual dessert bacchanalia is only one week long, but we have three words for you: JWOWW on ecstasy. Done!
Cannes: Snooty French people who hate Americans + Language barrier X Celebrity guests = Great television, even with the sound off.
Las Vegas: Remember how epic the Vegas season of Real World was? And they're weren't even half as trashy as the JS crowd. We have warm weather, pool parties, plenty of nightclubs, lots of drunk assholes, a questionable taste level, and the extra added drama of someone losing all that appearance fee money they've made playing Texas Hold-'em. With all those quickie wedding chappels around, you know that someone would get married before season's end. Come on, MTV. This is where it's at.
Just like MTV, we can create a poll. Let us know what you think.