Night two of Jon Stewart on The O'Reilly Factor! After last night's light sparring we were ready for the main event. Jon Stewart was going to kill Fox News, or O'Reilly to kill Jon Stewart. WE WANTED BLOOD.
Alas, there would be no blood. There was just Jon Stewart holding forth on a bunch of pressing political issues. Topics ranged from global warming (O'Reilly: "You're frightened of it. You want to flee.") to Iran (Stewart: "Thank you guys for ratcheting up the fear on this.") to Sarah Palin (Stewart: "I'm not crazy about the whole real America vibe.") There was the cheap thrill of hearing some charismatic dude state clearly opinions you agree with, but all in all it was not the apocalyptic tour de force killfest we were secretly hoping for.
We really were planning on declaring Jon Stewart the winner of television tonight. We had the title of this post already picked out and everything: "Jon Stewart Wins Television Forever <3." It would have gotten a million hits! And, like a brilliant golden wreath, we would have laid this blog post about Stewart's neck as he stood astride Fox News' bloodied corpse, scoring another notch in his heavy studded belt. He would have looked up, still winded from the struggle of battle, his shirt torn in a sexy way that revealed only his left nipple and some of the left side of his abs. We would catch his eye. Then we would lift our own shirt in a sexy way to reveal the The Daily Show tattoo on the 'tramp stamp' area of our back. And then—but we are getting off topic!
Instead, the best we could do was nod and say "good point, Jon," at the exact opposite moments 'real' Fox viewers were nodding and saying "good point, Bill." But, man, we nodded hard. We nodded the shit out of it. And in this way? We won.
We should try KSM in New York. *NOD*
Preemptive war is bad. *NOD*