New York City Cops: Ain't That Smart, But Smart Enough to Fix NumbersS

New York's been seen as a metropolis of cleanliness and progress for the last decade, as superhero crimefighting mayors have cleaned up our city to sparkle against the lawless lands of elsewhere. Turns out we were kinda lying. Whoops!

The New York Times reports today that a bunch of retired cops have ratted on their legacies by noting in a survey that pressure from City Hall suits led them to diddle their numbers:

...The survey asked provocative questions and clearly elicited disturbing answers. The retired members of the force were asked whether they were aware of changes to crime reports. Of the 160 who indicated that they were, more than three-quarters said the changes were unethical.

So! Retired cops who have nothing to lose by telling the truth but the respect of their shady colleagues come forward and say the assholes who paid them made them lie. And what's the NYPD have to say? Essentially: they're old, and lying.

The department's chief spokesman, Paul J. Browne, who was provided a copy of the survey's summary on Thursday, said that two other significant, independent and more comprehensive studies had been done in recent years analyzing the integrity of the city's crime statistics - one in 2006 by a New York University professor and another by the state comptroller's office - and that he had found them to be reliable and sound. The professor's report contained this assessment: "We conclude, as did the state comptroller five years ago, that the city and department officials, and the public can be reasonably assured that the N.Y.P.D. data are accurate, complete and reliable."

So a study five years ago is found to be reliable, and cops trying to be honest are lying liars. Got it?

New York City cops, learn your lesson: you're only honest when you're full of shit. You want to talk about another cop forcefully sodomizing a perp for smoking weed? Liar. You want to talk about fudging numbers? Liar. There's no precedent for this. You have no proof. Our administration officials are sparkle-clean, like our streets. Like our numbers. Can't you count?