The Way We Live Now: Blaming the victim. People, stop! It's crazy! We know you're angry about your unemployment and poverty and endless coupon-clipping. But golf-happy bankers are not the enemy!
What is the populist Wall Street Journal instructing us to do this week? "Don't Blame Golf for the Economy." Okay! Just because the very sight of fashion-challenged rich motherfuckers milling around a golf course can send you into a murderous revolutionary rage, you must not give in to unreasonability. It's not golf that's the problem. It's the assholes that play golf.
Wait—no! Must...not...blame...Wall Street. Jesus give us strength. Open our hearts to love. The more we "liberal" poors blame Wall Street, the more Wall Street will be tempted to turn around and give all of its money to Republicans. And lord knows the first priority of the Democratic party must always be to represent those who disagree with it, at all costs! As Glenn Greenwald says in his inimitable style, "First, there simply is no more odious faction inside the U.S. than Wall Street bankers — and that's saying quite a bit." Glenn Greenwald, you are the type of guy we would be proud to share a scavenged cigarette butt with, in debtor's prison.
Okay. No. Deep breaths. We do not need a revolution. We need to welcome our golfing Wall Street brethren into the big, dirty, pockmarked tent of populism, in America. All the coupon-clipping is giving us carpal tunnel syndrome. But we're not too proud to shake your hand, Mr. Rich Man. Just put down that golf club first. Hey. No. We're your friend! Ahhhhhhhhhhh don't hit meee.......