Today, the New York State Senate may (or may not) expel violent lady-slasher Hiram Monserrate. There are extra sergeants-at-arms and state troopers posted inside and outside the chambers, just in case. (They should hide bottles and glassware!)

Monserrate was accused of slashing his girlfriend's face with a broken glass in a jealous rage. But upon her admittance to a hospital, she changed her story, and claimed it was an accident. Monserrate was convicted of a misdemeanor, which meant he was not automatically expelled from the Senate.

So fellow corrupt scumbag state Senator Pedro Espada is introducing a bill that will call for the automatic expulsion of Senators convicted of misdemeanors! He claims it is not a "Monserrate Law," just like laws calling for presidential candidates to provide proof of citizenship are seriously not about secret Kenyan Barack Obama.

But Espada is one of Monserrate's Senate allies, because they're both self-serving assholes. So his bill would not apply retroactively. And he will not vote to expel Monserrate. Even though Monserrate would be expelled if this bill had been law when he was convicted a couple months ago.

Thankfully Espada's bill only covers "serious" misdemeanors involving sex, kids, and violence—otherwise, literally every State Senator would eventually be expelled. Including Espada!

I would say "and that's what's going on in New York poltics today" but honestly that would not even begin to cover it. Shit is weird right now.