Cornell students just received an email from the University Police, warning them about an imminent, and dangerous, threat to their safety: Deadheads. Hey, we'd be nervous too.
Looks like there's a concert on campus this weekend by the jam-band Furthur, which was started by former Grateful Dead members Bob Weir and Phil Lesh. So you know what that means. The Deadheads—with their pot-smoking, dredlock-sporting, VW van-driving ways—are coming, and they've got nowhere to stay. So the police are concerned that "this particular group of fans will set up camp wherever they can and will certainly avail themselves to the warmth of any open building." Which, you know, might happen! Because they are dirty hippies.
The letter—reproduced in full below—was sent out to the Cornell Greek community, probably because everyone knows sorority houses are warm and comfy and would definitely be places where dirty hippies would try to park their vans, if you know what I mean.
To Cornell Greek Community:
This Sunday, February 14th there will be a concert hosted in Barton Hall featuring a band called Further [sic]. This band in part has members from the old Grateful Dead band and will certainly generate an active crowd of what are affectionately referred to as "Deadheads". This fan base is very loyal to the Grateful Dead and their remaining members. We are confident that they will be showing up in large numbers as early as this Friday.
Our concern is that this particular group of fans will set up camp wherever they can and will certainly avail themselves to the warmth of any open building. Even if they do not have tickets to the venue, they will still come in the hopes of gaining access to the concert, and they will be seeking shelter from the elements over the weekend.
Please be extra vigilant in securing your buildings this Friday and throughout the weekend. If you have staff working in the buildings over the weekend, please request that they secure their areas and report any persons who look like they may not belong in their building to the Cornell Police at 255-1111 or if an emergency; 911.
Thank you for your help and support to keep your facilities safe!
Sgt. Philip D. Mospan
Coordinator, Office of Professional Development
Cornell University Police
G-2 Barton Hall
Ithaca, NY 14853-1701