'I'm Not Weird,' Weird Tween Pundit ClaimsS

Remember Jonathan Krohn, the sign language-speaking ape Tween Conservative Pundit? He's 14 now, and still a sad, creepy spectacle. But he's a sad creepy spectacle who is set on going to Princeton!

IvyGate flags a typically sad interview with Krohn and his stage mom at The Brownington Post. Krohn, who "wrote" a book called Defining Conservativism (he "wrote" it in three months and Krohn is "now one of the top five bestselling conservative authors in the country, according to Amazon.com," in case you're curious about just how much of a transparent farce the entire conservative publishing racket is), has his heart set on attending the New Jersiest of the Ivies. There is apparently some sort of famous conservative gay-hating professor there, or something. But let's hope that Krohn isn't exposed to all the elitist liberal academics there, like Cornell West! And Paul Krugman! And Dr. House! (No, but seriously—you'll fit in fine at Princeton, Krohn!)

Krohn also wants to attend Princeton because its proximity to New York means he'll still be able to shuttle up to New York for radio appearances, which means he sadly doesn't understand that very soon, he won't be a novelty anymore.

Oh, Krohn also hates stupid elitist liberals like us, who insist that he is a creepy puppet and the political equivalent of a child beauty pageant contestant.

"It makes me feel like I'm awkward, but I'm not awkward. I'm not weird," Jonathan says. "Then, people on the left say"-here he changes his voice to that of a Muppet-"‘He's not a prodigy. He's a weirdo, and I think he should be put in child protective services.'"

The only time a teenager's awkwardness gets the better of the pundit's assuredness is when the subject of girls comes up. He sputters and crosses his arms.

"That is what we call a personal question," Jonathan says.

His mom jumps in to say that he does have Facebook friends.

Yes. Right. Nothing weird or sad about any of this.