UPDATED: The New York Times David Paterson Story Is Out... Or Is It?S

So, this is it? This is THE New York Times David Paterson 'bombshell'? The whole thing? There's not a second part that's good? Jesus, New York Times, why didn't you say it was going to be so boring. Wed. Update:

Let's do the Paterson speculation time warp again! A reliable source tells us this is not in fact the Paterson bombshell, and that the real story is substantially more... substantial. Our tipster says:

I don't believe this is the Paterson story. The reporters actually did uncover some dirt on him, though nothing of the sexual sort. Mostly stuff about his heavy drinking and loveless marriage.

So: Still no drug-fueled orgies... but perhaps more ready fodder for a scandal than the fact that Paterson has a sketchy confidant? Our tipster says that "there's an actual profile of Paterson that could run as soon as tomorrow." Which means, look for the real story to go online sometime tonight. We await with bated breath...

As for today's Times article: If you were hoping for the big Paterson-annihilating bombshell that we, in part, led you to expect, prepare to be sorely disappointed. The Times story isn't even about Paterson, per se: It's about his driver and closest confidant, David W. Johnson. Granted, Johnson, who started as Paterson's intern in 1999, has a sketchy past: The Times reports that as a teenager he was twice arrested for felony drug charges. Also, he beats women—Which the Times points out is sort of a paradox, given Paterson's crusade against domestic violence. The article details a slew of "incidents" including:

In 2001, when Mr. Paterson was a state senator, Mr. Johnson, according to a person who was present, punched a girlfriend outside the senator's Harlem office.

But there were no sexy Paterson revelations. No drug-fueled orgies spilling into the halls of the Governor's mansion. Tell all your friends: Paterson's closest adviser is sort of a thug. The great phantom David Paterson scandal of 2010 ends with a whimper... maybe?