Instead of Regulating Wall Street Why Not Just Pee on an American Flag?

The Way We Live Now: Unregulated. No man, god, country or law shall hold us back from our vast material ambitions! What matters is not that no one has any money; what matters is that our malevolent dreams remain unrestrained!

Wall Street regulation? Those are three words spoken only by three kinds of people: Communists, losers, and, ah....gays? (Good Wall Street-guy insult TK). Amazingly those three words are also now spoken by billionaires! Easy for you to say you want some regulation, George Soros. You already made your money. You already made enough fucking money to pay off a vanishingly tiny percentage of our huge national debt. You already made enough fucking money to give jobs and health care to a piddling fraction of the desperate needy citizens of Mississippi. You already made enough fucking money to make a trifling, insubstantial contribution to solving Greece's looming economic crisis.

But what about the financial pirates who have not yet secured their epic booties? What about those hardworking Wall Street titans who want nothing more than to be left alone to assemble a horrifying national chain of shopping malls? Or to help recoup billions for the decimated portfolio of Harvard, America's most worthy charity? Or perchance simply to start a god damn hippie supermarket chain concomitant with our own bizarre libertarian ideas, and build that chain up to a real profit?

Listen here, motherfuckers: the financial entrepreneurs of America—heroes—refuse to be regulated. Instead of worrying about what us players are doing over here on Wall Street, why don't you worry about the fact that Burger King is raising its double cheeseburger price by nineteen cents? Yea. You know you eat that BK value meal. Cause you're poor. Where you gonna get nineteen cents? Worry about that.

[Pic via]