Americans: Bad Champions

A made-up report has revealed that the USA is the world's most laziest country of all. But while you're celebrating that with some funnel cake sticks, your more svelte fellow Amerkins have some ideas on whipping you into shape.

  • Fat jokes! A good thing for fat people to do is joke about how fat they are, because it makes them slightly less hated in society. But what happens when a fat comedian finally decides to lose some weight? First he gets written up in the NYT Style section, then probably he can sell a screenplay on it, so big whoop.
  • Tired of thinking about doing boring workouts you see on the teevee infomercials? Why not think about working out like an Olympic snowboarder! It's sure to make those thinkin' muscles tired.
  • Life Time Fitness Inc. is forecasting disappointing financial results in 2010. Analysts believe the culprit may be the fact that they operate in the laziest country on earth.
  • "I just ate 6 eggs," says one daring fitness aficionado on Craigslist. What happens next? The only one who can write your fitness fate is YOU.
Think about it.

Americans: Bad Champions