But Wait, There's More! The Real David Paterson New York Times 'Bombshell'S

Yesterday we told you to look out for another David Paterson profile in the New York Times today. We were right: Tonight, the Times published a second David Paterson piece. And, holy crap, look at all the sexy... ZZZZZZZZZZ

Do not be fooled by the big plane crash which opens the article or the impressive triple byline. Reader, this New York Times David Paterson article is boring, too! While the previous Paterson article could be summed up as "Paterson has a sketchy confidant," tonight's is something like: "David Paterson wastes a lot of his campaign money on fancy restaurants and gives jobs to his buddies' ex-girlfriends."

Anyway, suppose we ought to go through the most scandalous details:

Scandalous Detail 1: David Paterson eats at fancy restaurants and charges them to his campaign!

There is a $304 tab at Le Cirque in Manhattan. There were two large expenditures at the Water Club - $670 and $299. And the campaign spent more than $1,000 at the Mojo restaurant in Harlem, for the governor's birthday.

And he also spent $1,800 in campaign funds on a fancy but drug-fueled-orgy-free trip to a Ritz Carlton in Sarasota, Fla.

Suggested New York Post Headline: "$1,000! CAMPAIGN CASH FOR GOV BIRTHDAY BA$H"

Scandalous Detail 2: Governor David Paterson is suspiciously absent from the governor's office. For example:

When a plane crashed outside Buffalo about 10:20 on a Thursday evening last year, killing 50 people, aides to Gov. David A. Paterson of New York could not find him for more than three hours, and it was nearly five hours before his office released any statement about what was the deadliest air disaster in the nation since 2001.

His hours are "not long," according to the Times: He works from 10 to about 4:30 or 5pm. And he hung out in the Hamptons for long stretches of time when he should have been campaigning. Plus, he evidently skipped out on a Columbia speaking engagement because "it was the night before his 55th birthday". (Guy really likes birthdays!)

Suggested New York Post Headline: "THE FIRST SLACKRICAN-AMERICAN GOVERNOR"

Scandalous Detail 3: It appears the Times heeded John's advice to "not for get about David Paterson's Other Sketchy Aide". Much ink is spilled over Clemmie Harris—especially his ex-girlfriend, Gabrielle Turner, whom Paterson gave a cush job in his administration even though for the past 15 years, her only political experience had been "a two-week stint as a volunteer on Barack Obama's presidential campaign".

Suggested New York Post Headline: "GOV'S PARTY PAL"

Obviously, none of these revelations are resignation-worthy. We do get the image of Paterson as playboy-governor, which, given his predecessor, is not helpful at all! The Times just unloaded a substantial shovelful of shit on the already heaping pile that's probably going to bury Paterson's reelection efforts. But that ride was fun, let's do it again sometime. (If you hear of any impending Paterson bombshells, you know who to email.)