The Week We Went on an Acquisition Spree

Honestly, who the hell knows what went on this week? It was a weird one!

Figure skating, like everything and everyone else in the world, is racist. Netflix wants to be HBO but it cannot be HBO because of economics. Everyone wants to debase themselves for TV! Valentine's Day is a nightmare. There are lots of wonderful ways to die. The internet is confusing and upsetting. JFK's love letters need some updating. The crazy professor who killed those people just didn't want to drive a van. Brian categorized all The Gays. The Times is fighting about Steve Jobs new slab thing. Science is real even when scientists write the wrong thing in a book. There was a New York Times story about David Paterson but it was the wrong one. (We had our own!) Then they ran another one. Tumblr is in bed with Big Music Criticism. Ice Skating is dangerous. Alec Baldwin is problematic. Marc Jacobs: gay rights hero. Weird people committed a weird murder. There were swears on the NBC channel. Everyone cheated on their spouses. There was an ironic mustache at the Olympics. The Palins tried to steal Levi Johnston's porn money. Another crazy person killed a bunch of people and wrote a crazy note about it. But was he a liberal? Ladies can't get laid. Steve Jobs hates Flash. A woman with Down Syndrome made fun of Sarah Palin. What shall we watch on the Olympics, now? Hedge funds lost a lot of money on MGM. The CEO of Google had a ladyfriend and she is writing about it.

Plus, TV: Big Love, Kell on Earth, RuPaul's Drag Race, American Idol, Project Runway, and Real Housewives of Orange County.

And our boss got fired! So we gave him some advice. Bye, Gabriel! You should probably just pitch a tell-all to someone or other. The world must know what went on here!

The Week We Went on an Acquisition Spree