Contest: What the Hell Kind of Unprintable XXX Advance Did CNN's Jeffrey Toobin Make at a Woman?

File in the "epic gossip items department." Because, you know what, Boris and Natasha-esque New York Daily News gossips Rush & Molloy? I really don't care much for a gossip item about CNN talking head Jeffrey Toobin, but...

...After you put your moose-and-squirrel sights on him this morning, detailing his scandalous story in half of your six-word lede as "baby mama drama," you basically win today's morning gossip war. By a long shot.

Apparently, Toobin has a lovechild with the 36 year-old daughter of CBS News legend Jeff Greenfield—I didn't know this, because Michael K's never called him a "dirty hot slut," or whatever—and has a little bit of a tricky dick, but that apparently pales in comparison to something he said to some woman at a party a long time ago, which was, well...

Let's put it like this: it prompted Rush & Molloy to call the Daily News a "family newspaper," which, I'm sorry, but in comparison to the New York Post, I guess? Here:

This being a family newspaper, we can't repeat what Toobin allegedly told the woman he'd like to do to her. But the woman recalls, "I didn't even know who he was. I couldn't believe my ears. It was so disgusting. At the time, I never even knew people did that.

So basically, he was like, I wanna take you home and wake up with you in the morning and make you brunch and then bring it to you. In bed. And then shit on it. THE ARISTOCRATS! or something. Oh, yeah: Not a family blog. Sorry parents. But if your kids are already here then you should just kind of lobotomize them or something. I mean, not really lobotomize them but whatever. Honestly, they're not going to be geniuses no matter what you do so as long as they're not huffing paint while they're doing this or as long as they don't end up working for us they're probably fine. Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be bloggers.

As for Toobin, the rest of the story basically paints him as someone who desperately needs a mouth full of soap and also, kind of freak-ay—he (allegedly) spent time in a swingers club reporting on one of his stories, and, well, more dirty talk.

The woman says Toobin "really chased me for a while. He called me at the office and left several sick messages." Again, we can't repeat them. Suffice it to say, he allegedly reiterated his first overture, only more graphically. Says the woman, "It was so vile."

Wow.

So: since I'm the Editor-In-Chief today, we're having a contest. Please put in the comments the dirty thing you think Jeffrey Toobin said to a woman that the Daily News couldn't print. To celebrate your win, I'll print your comment in a full post and give you a million dollars*. Meanwhile, I'm going to spend the rest of today emailing George Rush to tell me what he heard until he tells me. To get you started, and for inspiration, here's Toobin talking about Sarah Palin. Get to work:

[*Just to be clear—by which I mean, "so I don't get my ass kicked by Gaby"—I'm not giving you a million dollars. And do you really deserve a million dollars for doing this, you sick fuck? Anyway. I'll send you a Rocky & Bullwinkle DVD to celebrate Boris and Natasha's stellar news work here. Seriously.]