In Which the New York Times Tries Not to Say "Tits"

The only thing stopping The Grey Lady from getting totally felt up this weekend must've been a particularly adamant copy editor. This weekend, the Times introduced us to a "lactation consultant." Naturally, a few fourth-grade level "har har" moments followed.

In a story about someone who helps new mothers having issues with breast-feeding, where to start?

The Title

"The Breast Whisperer." Kind of like The Horse Whisper or The Dog Whisperer or Ghost Whisperer, but she "whispers" to breasts? Okay! Next stop...

The Absurd Breast-Related Puns

"At 52, she wears her chestnut hair in an ageless ponytail and bangs, dressing in long denim skirts - the better to get spit up on - and cruises the borough with a "got breastmilk?" bumper sticker on her minivan."

Wish you'd thought of that one, no? Also, professional qualifier almost profoundly unqualified in following line:

"Some people call themselves consultants simply on the basis that they have two breasts and maybe had a baby," said Felina Rakowski-Gallagher,

who owns the nursing supply store Upper Breast Side.

And how am I not suppose to follow that with a mention of Barnard, exactly? Also:

Ms. Rosenfeld, who relishes the good anatomical pun, said that if she were to write a book it would be called "You Suck," but that she preferred homing in on individual cases to dispensing generalizations.

And this is just the first page. All in all, it's actually a fairly charming and interesting look at a niche industry and how someone operates within it in a place like New York. Maybe it'd be more interesting if we were to look at this outside of New York—because you know the first thing many people will think when reading this is of course there are breast-feeding consultants in New York—but no matter. Because here's when the Times makes an enormous boob of itself.

The Correction

An earlier version of this article quoted a mother who said that Ms. Rosenfeld had misinformed her about exercises and anatomy and suggested environmentally unfriendly products. The mother, upon seeing Ms. Rosenfeld's picture, realized that she had been talking about another lactation consultant.

Whoops! Wrong lactation consultant, much? The old they all kinda feel the same in the dark line just isn't going to work this time, guys. Can't wait to see how this is going to look on the iPad? Related: Knockers, set, rack, ha-has, ta-tas, melons, cans, jugs, etc.