Everyone Cares About Hockey All of a SuddenS

We just finished the last quarter (or whatever it's called) of the USA/Canada hockey game. We won! But all anyone could talk about was how pissed they were that the game was shown on MSNBC and not NBC. So what?

Tonight, America beat Canada in the Olympic hockey game, 5 to 3. We're in the quarterfinals. But Americans watching it were not filled with the thrill of a historic victory. Who cares about the score: In America, the game was only shown on crappy backwater MSNBC! (Sorry, Comcast subscribers.) Many viewers couldn't even watch in HD! We know people were angry about this because "MSNBC" became a trending topic on twitter during the game. (But not "hockey". Ha!) And you only become a trending topic on twitter if you die, hump someone's face during an awards show, or piss a lot of people off. Judging by the level of outrage in the twittosphere, NBC relegating their USA/Canada hockey coverage to MSNBC was an act of domestic terrorism. Twitter user Ramzyn's response was typical:

Everyone Cares About Hockey All of a SuddenS

NBC didn't just screw fans—they screwed America.

And poor NBC was forced to defend its America-hating ways without even the benefit of KSM's crack legal team. Yahoo Sports felt owed an explanation, given that the NHL delayed their season two weeks for the Games. Yesterday, the LA Times ran a quote from super-defensive Christopher McCloskey of NBC Universal Sports explaining that the network ghettoized hockey so they would be able to show the game without interruption.

But everyone knows the real reason why NBC is acting like nobody in America gives a shit about hockey: Nobody in America gives a shit about hockey. In fact, hiding an important hockey game in the upper reaches of the channel lineup was the most patriotic thing NBC could do. Not caring about hockey is a cherished American tradition, up there with starting to follow baseball right before the playoffs and being vaguely aware of how your alma mater is doing in the NCAA tournament. Ever since early man fashioned mammoth tusks into hockey sticks and pushed a primitive puck across the ice, America has rolled its eyes and turned the other way. Plus, think of how much sweeter the victory is, knowing that 95% of Canada was desperately willing their team to victory, while most Americans browsed the Internet with one eye on USA's Pirates of the Caribbean marathon—and our team still won!

We salute you, NBC. In bumping hockey for tape-delayed coverage of women's bobsledding, you fulfilled your duty as an American broadcaster. And in staging a crazy twitter fit about not being able to watch coverage of a sport they don't care about in a format that was barely even an option during the last Olympics, American viewers fulfilled theirs. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!