There's a new preview reel for the upcoming third season of Real Housewives of New York City and it is just jam-packed with things that make my eyes fall out of my face. Here are the top five things.
1) The new crazy lady who makes crazy faces that demand some sort of animated gif. (Rich? Tracie?)
2) Jill Zarin's figure skating routine of dreams that is just in time for the Olympics to be over.
3) Alex McCord's big pink chain dress of financial oppression.
4) The Countess LuAnn "Crackerjacks" DeLesseps sings a beautiful song about wanting things but not always getting them and it is lovely.
5) Ramona Singer dances a feverish nighttime tarantella and, we assume, twirls away into outerspace forever. Hopefully while "I'm Going Home" from Rocky Horror plays.
Also, Bethenny Frankel yells at everyone, but especially Kelly, who just stands there the whole time saying "Heeee haw, Heee haw, Heee haw," because she is a terrible donkeywoman.
I am crying blood, even though my eyeballs have already fallen out. This whole terrible machine whirs ear-piercingly back into life on March 4th. Never forget to not forget.