I don't know how to explain everything that this post contains in a lede, but I'll try: tonight's Olympic ice dancing was... INSANE. Inside, Linkin Park, Requiem for a Dream, Home Alone, a sexxxy commercial and Schindler's List—seriously.
Below, a small sampling from tonight's ice dancing free skate competition, which can probably be called the single weirdest night in Olympics history. Don't believe me? Check out just a bit of what transpired...
Oh, LORD. Where to begin? How about with siblings Sinead and John Kerr from Great Britain, who danced to LINKIN PARK. When did ice dancing become
emo? When did it become cool to be emo again? And why are they dancing to a song about tortured lovers if they're, you know, brother and sister? Ick. Nast.
Next up, we have Nathalie Pechalat and Fabian Bourzat of France. Pechalat and Bourzat danced to Lux Aeterna, the *~*dramatic*~* song from Requiem for a Dream... because nothing says GOOD TIMES like dancing to a song from a movie about drug addiction, right?
Oh, look! It's Russia's Jana Khokhlova and Sergei Novitski. What to say? How about: 1) their costumes are just... WTF, 2) he looks like an even weirder version of Russell Brand, and 3) they danced to
the theme song from Home Alone Camille Saint-Saens's The Aquarium (which sounds EXACTLY like the music from Home Alone).
Now, take a gander at this commercial that NBC aired during tonight's coverage. It's like a weird combination of a softcore porn movie and some overly-dramatic Nike/Gatorade ad. Is this really the best thing to air when FOUR of your ice dancing pairs are siblings? Gross.
OK, I saved the best for last. Unfortunately, NBC (in a deliberately anti-Semitic move, no doubt) decided to cut to skiing when this happened, but word is that Canadian viewers were able to see it. And, thanks to Twitter, we've started to piece it all together.
So, it goes a little something like this: Israel's sibling ice dancing pair, Roman and Alexandra Zaretskys, danced to—yes—a song from the Schindler's List soundtrack. And worse, it apparently got a little too close for comfort (ours, at least)? Observe.
Tonight's Olympic Shudder: watching a brother and sister touch crotches to the music from Schindler's List
Okay, ice dancing + Schindler's List + brother & sister pairing + A THONG = uncomfortable Olympic moment.
And from our very own Mike Byhoff:
Thank goodness for Ice Dancing, otherwise we wouldn't get a brother and sister grinding on each other to the Schindler's List soundtrack.
Hm. Inappropriate Schindler's List moments...
And with that, I'm going to go and try to wrap my brain around what the HELL happened on the Olympic ice tonight. I suggest you do the same.