As the heat from the Tiger Woods sex scandal cools, the once paparazzi plagued Rachel Uchitel will again settle into the cold grip of obscurity. She is one of scandal's secondary players, and we are done with her.
Thanks to a little vehicular mishap on Thanksgiving, Uchitel became a household name as the first of Tiger's skanks to be identified. As these things usually go, we rushed to find out everything we could about her, the press called up her friends and family, her privacy was invaded, and cameras greeted her every public appearance. But now Tiger has finally apologized and we're moving on to the next mock outrage. What's left for Rachel? Well, not much. She'll get some small press notes if she gets married, appears on a reality show, or goes on a killing spree or something like that. Other than that, bubkis. It's back to the civilian life.
Uchitel is one in the long line of colorful characters who we got to know and love (or love to hate) but then discarded as soon as we were done with her like a crusty Kleenex on an adolescent's bedroom floor. Here are some other recent and notable examples in various stages of the bit player's trajectory.
Scandal: Tiger Woods' little infidelity thing.
Role: Either one of his ladies or the lady who procured other ladies for him.
Power Play: Has generally shied away from the spotlight, although that seems to be changing now that she's accepting a gig to appear on Extra.
Eventual Fate: Fading. And fading fast.
Scandal: Jim McGreevey's coming-out and resignation as governor of New Jersey.
Role: Supposedly had a relationship with McGreevey and threatened to sue him for sexual harassment, which forced the former governor to come out.
Power Play: Did a media tour around the time McGreevey's book came out and declared that he didn't have a relationship with him. He even launched a website.
Eventual Fate: Golan who?
Scandal: Bill Clinton's sexxxy impeachment.
Role: A Pentagon employee who taped conversations between herself and Clinton intern Monica Lewinsky about Lewinsky's hanky panky with the president.
Power Play: Sued the government for releasing information from her personnel records to the press. Won a $600,000 settlement and kept her pension. Fine way to retire!
Eventual Fate: Went on Larry King Live to discuss her battle with breast cancer in 2003, but has been silent since then.
Scandal: OJ Simpson's murder trial.
Role: Of all the characters this scandal brought us, OJ's permanent houseguest was always our favorite.
Power Play: It's been a long road of silly movies for Kato, from radio and TV show hosting gigs to even seedier fare like serving as host of National Lampoon's Strip Poker on pay-per-view.
Eventual Fate: He is still kicking around the sad fringes of the reality TV show world, starring on the now defunct Fox Reality's Gimme My Reality Show in 2008 and some random web series last year.
Scandal: Eliot Spitzer's hooker scandal.
Role: The hooker.
Power Play: She's still trying to maker her music career happen, and moonlights as a runway model and NY Post columnist.
Eventual Fate: Fighting her own downward spiral.
Scandal: America's love affair with Sarah Palin.
Role: He knocked up Palin's daughter, was forced into a suit at the Republican National Convention, and was then pushed to propose to her.
Power Play: He cashed in a bit with an article in Vanity Fair and earned love from the gays for his pictorial in Playgirl. He keeps threatening to write a tell-all about the Palins, but we don't know that he knows how to write.
Eventual Fate: He's going head to head with the Palin clan in a messy custody battle. He'll eventually be washing cars in Wasilla as a fat, bald man. Sadly.
Scandal: Gary Hart's sex scandal, aborted bid for the presidency.
Role: She was the other woman.
Power Play: A contract as spokesperson for No Excuses jeans.
Eventual Fate: She works as an anti-porn advocate these days, which makes us not like her.
Scandal: Anna Nicole Smith's overdose and death.
Role: Though many claimed to be the one, Birkhead is actually the father of Smith's daughter, Dannilynne who was born shortly before her mother's death.
Power Play: Has been selling pictures of Dannilynne for years.
Eventual Fate: Except for the persistent gay rumors, we'll forget about him until his daughter comes of age and enters the tabloids herself.
Kari Anne Peniche
Scandal: The McSteamy non-sex tape.
Role: This one we created all by ourselves. She was the third girl in the tub with Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart in the famous chat à trois tape.
Power Play: She has a single, y'all!
Eventual Fate: We didn't even like her the first time around.