Natalie Portman makes a road trip film about drugs. Drugs could null Charlie Sheen's contract. Drew Barrymore is a whalehugger. Zoolander 2 is on the move. Winter storm warning: The Trade roundup is expected to bring 5-10 inches of AWESOME.

•Certified hottie and Teen Choice Awards-winner Natalie Portman is starring in and producing the film Best Buds. Based on a sociology book I read in college, I have deduced that this is a pun, as "buds" can mean both a friend or "marijuana." The film, according to Variety, "centers on a woman who's on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown on the eve of her wedding. To save herself, she goes on a road trip to San Diego with two best friends, relying on a combo of marijuana and the bonds of their decades-long friendship." Elevator pitch: Cheech and Chong meets Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. [Variety]

•Hottie* Drew Barrymore will be starring in Everybody Loves Whales, the true, thrilling story of the international effort to free three gray whales trapped under arctic ice. According to Deadline, the event "caused a thaw in relations between the U.S. and Soviet superpowers, which worked together with activists, media, and locals to save the whales." Mickey Rourke is in talks to star as one of the whales. [Deadline]

*These claims not verified by the Federal Hottie Administration

•This is your contract on drugs: Charlie Sheen's $900,000/episode contract for Two and a Half Men might be threatened by his recent entrance into rehab. Production on Men is halted, and THR thinks this might violate the "morals clause" which is likely in his contract: The clause "allows employers to alter or terminate an employee's deal for bad behavior that harms the production." This would be a good clause to have for Charlie Sheen! However, CBS has been sticking by Charlie Sheen. [THR]

•Deadline also has the scoop on Zoolander 2, which is apparently finally coming together after a million years. Deadline says Tropic Thunder writer Justin Theroux will direct and write the script with Ben Stiller. Jonah Hill is in talks to play the villain. Good news! [Deadline]

•Very funny Daily Show correspondent has joined the ABC pilot How to Be a better American. The show "centers on a father (Jones) who embarks on a journey to be a better person and drags his family along kicking and screaming." Someone needs to give Wyatt Cenac his own show, now. [THR]

•Tonight, The Wrap wonders what will happen to Twilight stars Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner after they get all old and busted. Pattinson is the biggest star, according to The Wrap, but also most willing to forgo big blockbusters in favor of cheesy dramas. Lautner is going to be America's next top action hero. Stewart is playing a prostitute in Welcome to the Rileys which The Wrap says is a role that retains "the flinty core that made her Bella a role model to teenage girls."So... Stewart's career path will be turning young girls into hookers? [TheWrap]

Nic Cage and Ryan Reynolds will voice cavemen in the upcoming DreamWorks CGI film The Croods. [Variety]

•The Olympics were bested by American Idol in Tuesday's ratings race. Olympics: Needs more America. [Variety]