A Guidette, a Real Housewife, and Dina Lohan Walk Into a Bar...S

If a fight broke out, who would survive? Brad colludes with Angelina's kinda incestuous brother. Matthew Fox's stripper may have faulty memory. Madonna's boytoy stands in a corner and cries. Another day, another reality star sex tape. Thursday gossip arrives.

  • This is a reality pitch waiting to happen: Jersey Shore's Angelina "Jolie" Pivarnick, Real Housewives of New Jersey's Danielle Staub, and the chambermaid of Haus of Lohan braved bridges and tunnels to party in the name of embarrassing alcoholic beverages in Manhattan. I'm thinking "makeover game show." [TMZ]

  • Sigh of relief! The rumor you didn't know existed is false, because Leonardo DiCaprio didn't break up Bar Rafaeli because they made out on a yacht the other day. So, phew. The god of beautiful people is good, after all. [P6]

  • Madonna's human sex toy, Jesus Luz, was deejaying a party when someone threw a beer in his face and yelled at him to go away. Jesus promptly "went to a corner started to cry." [P6]

  • A stripper swears she banged Lost star Matthew Fox, who is married. But Matthew Fox has one of those faces that kind of looks like everyone, so if he wants to claim mistaken identity on this one, I'd totally buy it. [InTouch]

  • Brad Pitt and Angelina's kissy-faced brother James Haven are responsible for the Jolie-Voight peace treaty that resulted in a family reunion photo op early this week. I wonder if it's weird to interact with the brother with whom your girlfriend may have had an incestuous relationship. [E!]

  • Per usual, Voight could barely conceal the glee of being related to Angelina and thus still relevant to the modern world. "I don't want to talk about it [the reunion] too much, but it was wonderful," he said, bubbling with praise about "terrific," supremely talented Brad. Then again, the poor old man just got access to six grandkids, which is old person crack. It's impressive he isn't chattier. [ShowBizSpy]

  • Scarlett Johansson is ping-pong buddies with Axl Rose. If her next musical endeavor is an album of Guns 'n' Roses covers, I'll break my eardrums preemptively. [P6]

  • Kelly Ripa got her husband's name tattooed on her wrist. Every time Kelly Ripa adopts the affectations of a starlet, a cold shadow falls over Hollywood. [NYDN]

  • Mary Kate Olsen made out with Josh Hartnett at the BAFTAs. Besides the obvious height issue, everyone is wondering, when the hell did she break up with Nate Lowman? [NYDN]

  • Rozlyn Papa, the Bachelor contestant who got kicked off for cheating on the Bachelor Jake with a producer, reportedly stars in a sex tape with "a well-endowed gentleman." Seems like every time one of these comes out, it's a "well-endowed gentleman." Where are all the poorly endowed gentleman? Surely some of them have cameras and pornographic ambitions? [TMZ]

  • Everyone was bidding on this $20K charity thing, and George Lopez got all excited and was like, "$21,000!" And then, silence. George Lopez won the auction, but apparently didn't mean to, because the rumor is he still hasn't paid. This is why auctions are terrifying. As a highly excitable follower with a poor sense of consequences, I feel George's pain on this one. [P6]

  • Last night, Conan O'Brien joined Twitter. The internet rejoiced. His inaugural tweet was about missing his old job. [Twitter]